Photographer: Amanda Jordan
I’d like to preface this edition of the Expat Dating Diaries with a lengthy note to all readers. Scroll down to TL;DR to skip! This series is designed to be sarcastic. It’s designed to incite a knowing laugh from women around the world living abroad. Many of you have met men like the ones in The 7 Worst Guys An Expat Can Date. This is not a man-hating article. This is not a man-hating series. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I love dating! The stories and laughs I get from horrible dates make for girls’ night hilarity. The shared moments and memories from great dates make all the bad ones worth it.
Photographer: Tyler Barnes
To the gentlemen reading (we’re about half and half, right now according to Google), thank you for checking out my blog. Sorry for the make-up and mush, but I’m assuming you knew what you were getting yourself into. You probably can’t relate at all to these guys, you can see a couple of traits here and there in yourself, or you just want a good laugh at someone else’s expense. You could switch these statements right around and apply them to the ladies, too. I’m sure there are a number of traits you recognize in women from which you’d like to stay away. Why am I only writing about the dudes? ‘Cause I don’t date women.
Photographer: Takahiro Sakamoto
I have several friends married to wonderful men serving in the military. Some of them even met in Korea and got married here! My family has a history in the RAF (my badass Grandmother) and the RCAF (my Grandfather). I dated a kind and generous man in the Air Force. I have no issue with the military. If you find a diamond in the rough, the Military Man will be the most loyal and caring gentleman in the world. The standard review of the Military Man (MM) in Korea, however, is that he’s a dirty dawg.
Photographer: Richard Revel
Whew! Now that that’s over with, let’s move on to the story. The Military Man wants to settle down…in theory. Being deployed over and over again means he’s a lone wolf. More often than not he’s “exclusively dating” a few lovely ladies. I’ve seen this countless times and am heartbroken for my friends who have been hurt.
Photographer: Alondra Olivas
Three’s A Crowd
This is the kind of story I hear again and again. My friend from Busan met a Tinder guy in Seoul for brunch. He flew down to party with us in early spring. They continued to see each other long-distance, and she was smitten. The thing about men in Korea is that they seem to think that they’re entitled to two separate entities: foreigners and Koreans. They seem to believe that never the two shall meet. One long weekend 6 months into dating, she went up to stay with him. She left his place Monday morning as he had to work. Imagine her surprise when that very afternoon she saw him walking hand in hand with his Korean girlfriend off base in Gangnam. Wasn’t he supposed to be at work? Hadn’t they banged at his place that morning?
The Cherry Incident
My favourite MM is a guy I have actually met on several occasions. We met through mutual friends on a day known in history as “the cherry incident”. This guy is in the army and has quite possibly the most beautiful apartment I’ve ever seen in Korea. Marble counter-tops, hardwood floors, a Japanese toilet, and le piece de resistance: a washer and a dryer. When my gal pals, my ex, and I were invited over to his place, he provided top shelf alcohol, mixes, and garnishes and told us to help ourselves.
Photographer: Danielle MacInnes
For nearly 2 hours he rattled on and on about these beautiful, succulent, marinated cherries which were perfect in a Manhattan. My friend had to try them, of course! She couldn’t open the jar, so after an eternity of trying she handed it over to me. Just as the lid to the jar popped open, time stood still and I heard a slow motion “Nooooooo!” from our host MM. The rest of the night was tainted by the wailings of a sullen MM butt hurt that his pristine jar of cherries had been opened and would have to actually be used. He also hit on me in front of my (now ex) boyfriend, then proceeded to tell me he wanted a one night stand with any of my friends in attendance. Class act, MM.
Photographer: Jeff Cooper
Fast forward to March when I moved from Busan to Seoul. MM saw me on Tinder, and when we didn’t match he went and found me on instagram. I was all moved in, but for two months he insisted he needed to help me move. It’s impressive the creative ways these guys think up when trying to weasel their way into your apartment.
While I haven’t dated this guy, I’ve now met 4 girls who have. One of them was actually his live in girlfriend during the cherry incident. We didn’t meet that night, but I would later find out that she (and 3 other friends of mine) had been wined and dined by this MM. He’s tried to intercept a couple of my friends’ dates by inviting their party of two over to his table. He even flew a Tinder girl from the United States to Vietnam to meet up for a tryst, and when she wouldn’t put out he cancelled her ticket home.
Photographer: Erik-Jan Leusink
The MM manages his time (and women) exceptionally well. He’s an sensational liar and a master manipulator who can maintain several relationships at once. Camouflage is key. His phone is glued to him at all times. He’ll never let you see it, of course. MM must reply immediately for fear of mixing up names and dates.
Here lies Episode II of the Expat Dating Diaries and the 7 Worst Guys An Expat Can Date.
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