Tag: tinder

Candidly Cartier: What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Sparkler, New Years Eve, Toronto, Lifestyle Blog

What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

New Year’s Eve always holds a little magic for me. Call me childlike, call me whimsical, call me a bitch in sheep’s clothing – this is the time of year where I set all sarcasm aside and am genuinely hopeful. There are plenty of “New Year, New Me”, “New Year, Same Asshole”, and “New Year, New Memes” running around my Facebook feed, but I think it’s a great time to step back and take accountability for the year coming to a close and the opportunity to come.

New Years Eve Toronto Lifestyle Blog, Sparkler

Hard Reset

Some people say that special days set the tone for the next year. I think they’re kind of like hard resets to as close to factory settings as you can get. They make you assess where you are and are optimal as pivot points if you’re unhappy with particular elements. On New Year’s Eve, I make tangible goals. On my birthday, they tend to be more sentimental. Even on Valentine’s Day I make goals, but that’s usually to pick up as much chocolate as I can while it’s on deep discount!

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Planning for Paradise

If New Year’s Eve sets the tone for the year, December 31, 2017 was a very good indication. Last New Year’s Eve I spent the day updating my resume, applying for jobs in Canada from Korea, finalizing travel itineraries, and decided very last minute to go to this huge hotel ballroom party with one of the most entertaining friends I met in Korea.

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Step 1 – We can have lots of fun!

That evening we went to my friend’s bar for a quick sip of holiday cheer. When we arrived, the bar was completely empty. One and done, we hopped across to another’s friend’s restaurant which was picking up speed, and we were able to have a couple of cocktails and mingle with some people who, looking back, were really important to me over the course of my time in Seoul. We took a taxi down to Gangnam and the hotel was already insanely packed.

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Happy New Year!

There were plenty of familiar faces. Some of these people taunted and tormented me the majority of 2017. I saw one fall on her face and welcomed the little bitch called karma to the party. I bumped into someone I dated right after ex Co-P when I was 100% not ready to be going out with anyone. Closure was good. I met some readers of The Toronto Seoulcialite and That Girl Cartier who ended up coming to my going away party in March. We all mixed and mingled and I got to hang out with a lot of  amazing friends I had made over the course of my 3 years abroad. At midnight, I even got my New Year’s kiss!

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Working Girl

If NYE 2018 was an indication of the year to come, I think it was pretty spot on. I continuously worked on my resume and interview skills. In Canada, I worked a contract position for a major non-profit before getting a job I love at a big Bay Street law firm. I am so incredibly lucky to have this position working under the management of someone I adore, and with two smart, strong, beautiful women who round out our part of the team. We have a host of characters in our department and each brings a magnitude of skills and swag to our dynamic. In 2018 I took trips to Borneo, Bali, Orlando, and Reykjavik. Landing in Toronto, I brought back the most important people (some I never thought I’d be so close to after 20 years of friendship <3). Anyone who had previously brought negativity to my life was ravaged by karma (see December 2016) or just didn’t make it back into my life.

New Years Eve Toronto Lifestyle Blog

Disappointing Dates

I dated a lot – whoa man, did I ever date. Like that NYE party in Gangnam, nobody was particularly special, however. I went on a lot of first dates which amounted to absolutely nothing. Even people from dating apps I’d never met assumed that (I guess based on age? I’m 31) I wanted to drop it all and get hitched right away. Nope, I’d like to have a connection with someone and would like to go on regular dates, but don’t really see that happening with someone in Toronto. 2019 – feel free to surprise me in that department!

2019 – Back to that Fitness Grind

In December I began a program called F45 which stands for “Functional 45 (minutes)”. It’s circuit training you take at your own pace with several trainers moving throughout the stations to ensure your technique is correct, you’re not getting injured, and you’re giving it your all. I’ve decided to partner with them (they call me an “F45 Ambassador” #fancy!) because I’ve tried a number of similar classes throughout Toronto in November and December, and this was the only one I felt was accessible to every body (skinny fat, big boned, bloated, or big and buff) and at every stage of the fitness journey. As much as I loved (and I LOVED) Big Hit, I need something that’s convenient to home or work, and these studios are popping up all over town. St. Clair West is convenient to get to from work then to head home, and I love the community that’s developing at this relatively new studio! I’ll be taking a class on December 31, 2018 and anticipate F45 will be a bit element in my personal growth (and physical reduction!) through 2019. FREE WEEK – CLICK HERE

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Peaks and Valleys

A concept recently brought to my attention is that our life should have peaks and valleys much like the lines on a heart rate monitor. When the line moves, we’re alive. When the line is a plateau for too long, our heart has stopped beating and we’re dead. The past few years have has such epic highs and deep, deep lows. I now find that I’m teetering awfully close to the plateau. Honestly, I’m kind of bored. I hope that this year I can find the beauty in the break, strive for more epic highs, accept any tragic losses, and keep this wildly passionate heart beating. If not for the simile, at least for the caloric burn.

New Years Eve Toronto Lifestyle Blog

Happy New Year

Love,

Cartier

Repat Dating Diaries: Oh no – I’ve been on this date before!

Cold, Quiet, Dry Winter Months

It’s been seven months since my return from the land of morning calm (Korea, dweebs). In that time I’ve tried to date as much as possible, if only to provide you lovely Seouls with fresh content so you can feel better about your lives as we go into the cold, winter months. I thought Itaewon was bad for guys and girls alike furiously swiping left and right while at a bar full of decent-looking, age appropriate humans with at least the common expat connection.  No, no – Toronto is far worse for tinder tendinitis.

Double-Dipping for Dating

I got pretty lucky meeting the hot, young, Italian 3-minute Stallion. I met a guy who flew all the way to Jamaica for some fatherly advice after we got “too intimate too quickly” (read: we went on 3 dates that week and he met my roommate’s dog). There was a carpenter, but if you’ve been reading for a while then you know there’s only one carpenter in my heart (and no, it’s not JC). Beyond that, I’ve yet to really date the same dude twice – except I did.

Repetitive Repercussions

Keep in mind that I had been living on the other side of the planet for 3 years when I tell you this story. I thought the pictures were kind of familiar, but I just didn’t put two and two together. It was like a bad episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. There I was sitting in a booth at The Drake Hotel (a popular West Queen West spot) and my date walked in. He wasn’t anything to write home about, but I probably wouldn’t have kicked him out of bed either. Then, he opened his mouth and it all came flooding back. After 3 years, he still told me the same stories about his 1 trip to Poland (tldr: he got drunk the whole time and saw no historical attractions). My date was still bragging about buying his condo with 0% down.

I’ve Learned Nothing

Was this a trap? Did he know that I knew who he was? Was he pretending we had never met before, too? This was the first time I had doubled-down on a dreadful date. Are there really so few single men in this city? Have I completed the circle and come back to the start?

Who knows…

I’ll probably make this mistake again.

 

Hot for Teacher Repatriation Dating Diaries That Girl Cartier 1 Apple Books classroom

Repatriation Dating Diaries: Cartier’s Hot for Teacher

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Photographer: Josh Willink

Up in the Air – Not Exactly Dating on Cloud 9

Settling back into life in Toronto hasn’t gone exactly as planned.  My career didn’t quite get off the ground the way I expected.  I just settled into a condo downtown and now have to move.  Everything’s just a little bit up in the air right now.  Dating is no exception.  Everyone at the bar is swiping left or right while in a perfectly lovely meet market.  Tinder is for hook-ups.  Bumble is allegedly for “serious dating” (sure).  Meeting people through buttoned up/ tied-down friends is nearly impossible.  I’ve now been on dates with a commitment-phobe real estate developer, a self-obsessed rocker, an UBER driver (yes – he drove me home and then we went out), a blogger who recently carbon-copied my latest post on The Toronto Seoulcialite, and a Tinder I had been out with 4 years ago.  The conversation barely changed and he definitely didn’t clue in.  Dating is depressing.  Oh – and I went out with my old calculus teacher.

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Hot for Teacher – Dating isn’t Calculus, it’s Chemistry

When you were in high school, did you ever have a crush on a teacher?  How about that hottie who wasn’t much older, but just enough that the difference in age/ power balance would have been inappropriate?  Imagine my surprise when the Facebook algorithm encouraged me to reconnect with my old calculus teacher 14 years my senior.  I can’t imagine he’ll mind my writing about this.  The probability of us meeting as we did was low, and the probability we’ll ever meet again is practically non-existent.  He was my teacher for all of 3 weeks (and change) and we bumped into one another locally and in Kingston for all of 3 minutes each time.  This round, after a lovely date, a hesitant goodnight kiss, and a few text exchanges promising to see one another again, it only took him about 3 days to ghost.  Dating isn’t algorithms or equations, it all comes down to chemistry and the space-time continuum.

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Photographer: Angello Lopez

Dating Derivatives

While it would be lovely to meet someone who had the raw, passionate, primal masculinity of Adonis, or the “jamais seul” nature of ex-Co-P, it’s summer.  Dating in Toronto doesn’t really ever seem to be clear or direct – just derivative of our parents’ and grand-parents’ generations.  In the summer it’s the least likely time for any of that to change.  Our diluted and deluded perspectives of responsibility to one another make me believe that I’ll always be house-hurt from carrying the weight of rent completely alone.  Owning at all is a pipe-dream.  White picket fences are a thing of the past.  There’s plenty I’m tempted to try.  Did I learn anything from scratching off this bucket-list item?  Not really.  Just that I think I’ll keep my interests outside of the classroom.

Seoul Dating: How to Get Him to Commit

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. sky clouds grass outdoor people couple love smile happy man guy girl woman dating holding hands
Photographer: Jena Postma

How to Get Him to Commit

I’ve been seeing tons of click-bait headlines making their way through the travel, expat, and lifestyle communities.  Figured I’d give this one a shot, too.  So sue me, right?  Not quite – read on to see how you too can get him to commit with this one amazing tool.

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. bokeh people couple happy kiss man woman smile christmas lights love heart
Photographer: Freestocks.org

Breaking the Rules

I’ve already gone back on my word by entering into a relationship with a) someone I met through Tinder, and b) on my list of the 7 Worst Guys an Expat Can Date.  If you’ve read Expat Dating Diaries: The Military Man you’ll know that there are some dirty dawgs out there especially in and around Itaewon.  I met my new Co-Pilot at Souva, which has quickly become the latest hot spot for my coupled-up pals.  In our first week and a half we had been to at least 7 restaurants together, watched 4 movies, made dinner twice, and climbed a freaking mountain.  He mentioned me to his parents and mine got the Skype update 2 weeks in.  I know you’re still wondering how to get him to commit, but I’m sure you’re also wondering if good ol’ Cartier’s going to get boring with a boyfriend.

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. people girl beauty mobile phone talking communication gadget technology city blur
Photographer: Matthew Kane

No More Drama

It wouldn’t be the Seoul expat dating community without a little bit of drama (I know this is what you came for :P).  This wouldn’t be the Expat Dating Diaries without unnecessary drama, right?  Well, shocker!  My new beau went out on dates before he met me!  There are a few women with whom he’s been out who are friends of friends of mine.  One in particular was pretty pissed when he let her down easy (via text – party foul, I know).  After she screamed at me, I told him straight out that if we were going to do this we wouldn’t be with anyone else.  If either of us change our minds down the line that’s fine.  That said, a certain conversation needs to happen if either of us want to start seeing other people.  This leads me to the most important tool you can have in your arsenal if you want to know how to get him to commit.  Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else.  How do you get him on the same page?  This one’s simple…

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. still items things puzzle painting fine art gustav klimt the kiss bokeh
Photographer: Freestocks.org

The One Amazing Tool

What’s this one elusive tool to use when wanting to know how to get him to commit to you?  COMMUNICATION.  There’s no big secret.  He’s not a f*cking mind-reader.  TALK with your Seoulmate!  Communication is a tool we all have within our big ol’ bag o’ tricks, but when it comes down to it we rarely feel confident enough to share our feelings effectively.  The biggest flaw in my last relationship is that I felt powerless what it came to expressing my wants and needs.  When I tried to initiate a conversation about things which bothered me, he “was bored” and didn’t want to hear it.  In my mind, my last relationship was just a silly little travel romance in the beginning.  Never in a million years did I think he’d skip out on an epic SEA adventure to come live with me in South Korea.  I didn’t tell him what I needed and wanted right from the start.  When he started weaving dreams of a real future beyond Asia, somewhere we might settle down, I scoffed and moved on.  When I started to believe the fantasy, he pulled away.  We weren’t on the same page at all.

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. people write notebook diary pages sheet work office pen polaroid pictures photography black book plate coffee tea mug cup novel laptop macbook apple keyboard technology
Photographer: Thought Catalog

Fake News

For someone who “hated social media” as much as he did, he sure checked his instagram likes regularly.  It blew my mind that he thought I was demanding he give up the “opportunity of a lifetime” to come live with me.  It drove me mental that he wrote his younger female travel companion a love letter on Facebook when he took off from Cambodia to come to Korea.  When he left Korea to head home, he shared: “too many people to name.  It’s been emotional.”  I was proud to be with him, yet he tried to hide me.  He was always pleased to be tagged in cool hipster photos at the palace or beachy pics with the lads.  Unfortunately, he refused to acknowledge our life together publicly.  Looking back that should have been a HUGE red flag.  I wanted to shout from the top of every mountain in Korea that I was happy with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell his own network he had a girlfriend.  It’s such a night and day difference to have an intelligent, accomplished, handsome gent tell me he’s happy to be with me at the top of a mountain we climbed together.

That Girl Cartier - Time and time again girls lose their minds over men who choose someone else. How do you get him to commit? This one's simple. people man woman couple lovers sweet nature trees grass forest trunks
Photographer: Emma Frances Logan Barker

Looking Forward

Maybe this relationship will crash and burn tomorrow.  Maybe it’ll withstand the tests of all the small town (ahem HBC) murmurings.  If you don’t have the exclusivity conversation with your desired partner, then you can’t be angry with him (or her) for continuing to date.  If this person meets someone else with whom they have more in common, you can’t fault them for wanting to pursue a relationship.  You didn’t communicate your desires.  If you’re not getting the answer for which you’ve been searching, then move along.  He’s not going to fall in love with you just because you’ve been hanging around.  It doesn’t matter if you have beer-flavoured nipples.  No matter how much you pretend to love Star Wars, if he doesn’t love what you’re actually into then what kind of foundation are you building?

How to get him to commit?  

Talk to him (or her) for f*cks’ sake!

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