Dating Diaries – Stop Dating Ugly Men

“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife…”

This Jimmy Soul tune blasts through my head every time I swipe right on a guy who isn’t generically attractive, but who looks goofy and like he would be a good time. I hate to admit it, but I figure that a guy who isn’t exactly a stud would make for a more committed partner and potentially even a good father to offspring (should we ever be so lucky with my dusty old eggs).

Why I Gave Ugly Men a Try

What’s that old saying – “You’ve gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”? Well – I’m making my way through the toads, right now. Toronto hasn’t exactly been a mecca for good-looking men, full stop. Let’s not even get started on the qualities I actually desire in a partner. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, then, pursuant to my newest hobby of cutting the crazy, I’ve been trying something a little different.

I date hot men. While I’m certainly not a 10 myself, I find it easier to strike up a conversation with an attractive, confident man, than someone has “nice guys finish last” on repeat. I bat outside my league pretty frequently, but what has that ever gotten me? Heartbreak and absolute agony was what I got from Adonis, I was cheated on by ex co-p, and ghosted by the hotness monster. I’m trying to date within my means and based on common values and interests.

Back to the Song. The lyrics go:

"If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind."

Okay so the song itself is dated and offensive, sure. Remember – it was released in 1963 and I’m considering it all from my own personal perspective towards men, capisce? I’m swiping right on these guys I’m certainly not over the moon about. Give these plain boys a chance, right? Sadly, I’m getting the exact same result except now there’s no eye candy.

It’s amazing! Even if we’ve had a good time and I’ve convinced myself that I could grow to love someone’s gummy horse teeth or his Frankenstein five-head. Hot or not, I often get the message back that they had a great time and would love to see me again, but just as friends. It makes me wonder – what part of me is the Frankenstein bit?

Hunky Guys and Ugly Men – they’re all the same inside.

I can whittle myself down attacking every point which could have put me in dim lighting. A comment, perhaps, which made me appear as a know it all. My weight – it always comes down to that, doesn’t it? At the end of the day, I think it’s just that the dude didn’t want to be rejected first. Recently, I had simply thanked the guy for a lovely evening and for picking up the cheque (which he didn’t need to do, but was nice). His immediate response was to send back the “just friends” message. No part of me thought it was a love match and sparks certainly were not flying. I’d have given the poor bloke a second chance to redeem himself, though.

Stop Dating Ugly Men

I can’t imagine a man analyzing his looks and behavior the way I picked apart mine. So, I guess that’s just it. If there’s no immediate, earth-shaking spark, you must hurt them before they can hurt you. Both ugly men and beautiful ones will give you grief if they’re out to give you grief. Stop selling yourself short. If the uggos have the kind of confidence to hit on you, you might as well swing for the fences, too. Better to receive disappointing news from a pretty face, don’t you agree?

*Beauty is subjective. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure!

Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger Men? Yes, please!

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

The Newest in Dating Diaries: Repatriation

When writing about something as sensitive as dating, it’s kind of tough to write something positive without hurting someone’s feelings.¬† You might be thinking “huh? What’s she talking about?¬† Why would writing something good hurt someone?”, but hear me out.¬† When you write something – anything at all – and it strikes a chord in a man (even one you may have never met!) the comments section can get a little heated.¬† I’m ready and waiting with popcorn (Smartfood, I’ve missed you) for all of the man-hating, extreme feminist names they have stored in their back pockets.¬† When you write something about men in general, and someone else he thinks he’s the man in your life, feelings can get hurt.¬† I am single.¬† I am all over the map literally and figuratively.¬† In the (almost) 3 weeks I’ve been back in North America, I’ve met some truly wonderful people, and surprisingly young and accomplished men.

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating After Korea

Since leaving Korea, I’ve been through Bali, back to Korea, to Canada, the United States, and back to Canada all within 40 days.¬† If any of you think dating in Korea is wonderful, welcome to the rest of the world.¬† It’s your damn oyster!¬† If you’re having trouble and want to explore the dating world more extensively, maybe the contract life in the land of the morning calm isn’t for you.¬† I know I’ve always been the queen of bad timing, and Korea pressure didn’t help.¬† I’ve recently had a freedom and flexibility which seems to have been pretty attractive to men.¬† Well, pretty attractive to the average ODB and younger man, alike.¬† It feels nice to have most people believe I’m somewhere between 21 and 25.¬† Guess my multi-step K-Beauty routine has been working!¬† I’m always honest and upfront about being 30.¬† Ain’t no shame in that game.¬† My Tinder is set to meet men 25 – 37, which I feel is fairly age-appropriate.¬† Meeting younger guys (organically) has actually taught me a lot about how to relax into the dating world again.¬† In honour of The Real Housewives of New York City returning to Bravo, let’s let my favourite cradle-robber, Carole Radziwill,¬† tell you all about why repatriation is best with a younger man by your side.

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Confidence

At 30 (and after living in Korea), it’s really easy to get anyone’s number.¬† I’ve just been living in fantasy land (as far as any recruiters are concerned) for the past 3 years.¬† If you can’t walk up to a random hottie and pretend you’re just two SIMS characters after that, what HAS Korea taught you?¬† Seriously – after 30 we just don’t care.¬† There are dating opportunities everywhere.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

You Can’t Hurry Love

You might think that dating is the same everywhere.¬† That notion would be entirely incorrect.¬† Living in Korea has completely shaped the way I interact with men.¬† Expats don’t typically buy into the Korean way of dating, but we definitely don’t do it like we would back home.¬† We’ve all got that added pressure of our contract’s time limit looming over our heads, so more often than not we rush.¬† I remember by our 3rd date (in as many days) Co-P asked me to be his girlfriend (and subsequently married the next woman he only met a handful of times.¬† Bullet = dodged).¬† Adonis went from traveling SEA to living with me in the course of a month.

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You’ve been out of the game for X many years

Things happen so quickly when you’re living abroad or traveling.¬† I had a whirlwind romance turned roller-coaster ride in Bali over 10 days.¬† It’s insane how quickly things develop.¬† Because of my experiences, I have the emotional ADHD of a much younger human.¬† I need to learn how to slow down and actually meet people again the Western way.¬† In order to do so, dating a guy on my level has a number of benefits:

He’s Not Necessarily Established

Coming back to live in Canada I’ve stayed with my parents, gone on a blogger trip, and am currently house-sitting.¬† Until I sort out my job and living situation in Toronto, I’m 30 and living in my parents’ basement.¬† Good news!¬† He’s¬†probably still living with Mommy and Daddy, too, or he may have just moved out on his own.¬† You’re ready to re-enter the social scene and he’s eager to experience the city.¬† Nobody’s there to make you feel bad about starting over since he’s starting up as well.

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He’s Protective

The younger guys I’ve met thus far have been far more earnestly doting, caring, and chivalrous than guys my age.¬† Maybe there’s been a renaissance in upbringing or maybe they feel like they have more to prove with the change in typical gender dynamics.¬† Whatever it is, I’m appreciative.¬† All my life I’ve been so worried about losing someone precious.¬† Suddenly I feel like I’m the important one they don’t want stolen away.

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He’s Got the Energy

‘Nuff said.

He’ll teach you about the latest trends

I feel like such a geriatric creature bringing this one up, but there are pieces of generational technology I haven’t had time to peruse.¬† He’ll help you assess the latest gadgets and give you the specs before even heading in to buy the hardware.¬† When I’m still fighting with Olleh/ Korea Telecom (KT) to get my last account closed, it’s great to have a wealth of knowledge helping me along.

 

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Younger: He Looks Good

Have you ever noticed how 30 year old men look these days?¬† Being stressed and overworked not only has an effect on the ol’ beer belly, but their skin loses glow, too.¬† Cameron Diaz’s character in “The Holiday” talks about how men age gracefully and women become haggard.¬† “I’m gonna call bullshit on that.”¬† That couldn’t be farther from the truth for me.¬† 5 years ago, a friend who had just turned 30 told me she was the happiest and in the best shape of her entire life.¬† I scoffed, but dammit if those words aren’t ringing like the Bell of Good Luck in my 30, flirty, and thriving ears.

In my mid-twenties I was fat and miserable.¬† I worked out plenty, but stress and poor eating habits got the best of me.¬† Coming back from Korea, I have a phenomenal beauty routine thanks to my friends at Leegeeham, G2Cell, CosRX (they just sent me a package I can’t WAIT to review for you), and Seoul Cosmetic Surgery.¬† Botox is no longer taboo.¬† Wouldn’t you want to stop the aging process dead in its tracks?¬† I don’t want to look like I’m dating a child, but I’m not ready to look like I’m dating my dad, either.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Expectations

When I was in my early to mid twenties, I went out with guys who I considered to be out of my league.¬† I dated a lot of douche-canoes; a lot of big Richards, if you will.¬† Ladies: you are worth it.¬† Don’t ever let a guy string you along without commitment simply because you think he’s too hot or too accomplished.¬† Spoiler alert: there’s no such thing!¬† If he’s interested in spending time with you in or out of the bedroom, then you need to be clear about your expectations.¬† When you’re happy with what you’re getting then that’s perfect.¬† If you’re not, make it clear!

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Doubts

I’ve learned to care a lot less about what other people think.¬† If he fucks it up?¬† Well… I don’t care, really.¬† I mean it’s lovely for now, but he’s got a lot of living to do before settling down.¬† I’m looking to plant those roots in Toronto, but until then why waste good company?

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Warning: Dating Younger may have Drama Closer than it Appears

When dating a younger man, there’s always the chance there will be some pathetic fly on the wall desperate to make a meal out of a snack.¬† One day she’ll learn.¬† For now, ignore…ignore…ignore.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Deterrents

In my last year in Korea I dealt with the most vile, psychotic woman I’ve ever met because she thought she was dating my boyfriend.¬† She met him twice – before I had ever met him.¬† The vendetta lasted a year, and I’m sure the wine, fat-shaming, and name-calling parties continue even now that I’m gone.¬† There’s plenty more to the story, but that’s too juicy for today.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Just one for the young ladies considering the paragraph above.¬† We’re older.¬† We’re wiser.¬† Take heed.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Korea –> Canada: Dating through Repatriation

Living in Korea was great for my health, horrible for my heath, and taught me a lot.¬† It was great because in my first year I was able to create that work/ life balance I so craved.¬† I had the opportunity to cook properly, my favourite snack foods were disgusting in Korea (BBQ Cheetos – ew!), and I had split shifts meaning I could work out 2 hours a day.¬† I took my weekends off, and that’s where I’d let myself go off the rails a little bit.

Number 1 rule?¬† No gym on weekends.¬† Number 2 rule?¬† It’s okay to eat an entire pie from Pizza School (corn and all) on Sunday.¬† Was I hungover?¬† Absolutely.¬† Had I cleaned my entire apartment Friday night rather than go out?¬† Hell yes.¬† Did that have something to do with the “focus candy” prescribed liberally?¬† OH YEAH.¬† Korea helped me lose my stress weight and taught me about balance.¬† When you feel good you look good and that goodness radiates.¬† I have a whole new outlook on dating in Canada right now.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

My #1 Key to Dating Anywhere

What did I learn?¬† Well, this series is about dating, so we’ll keep it to that.¬† Communication is the absolute most important part.¬† Even if you’re dating someone from another English-speaking country, there are bound to be cultural differences.¬† Knowing what you want and what you can bring to the table is also important.¬† As someone returning to the dating game in my home country, I don’t feel comfortable dating someone who has just been blindly happy with the status quo the entire time I’ve been away.¬† Maybe it’s the Korean Skincare Routine, maybe I’m just not willing to settle for someone who has settled.¬† Regardless, I’m attracting younger guys – and I’m starting to be okay with that.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

In conclusion, nobody needs to know you’re dating younger.¬†

You’re only as old as the man that you feel, right?

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Have you experienced something interesting and unexpected coming back to the dating pool in your home country?  Let Cartier know in the comments section below!