Tag: Dating Diaries

Dating Diaries – Vaccine Badges: Public Safety or Publicity Stunt?

stay home stay safe

Stay Home + Stay Safe = Stay Single

While the pandemic has put most things on pause, it has also brought to light various ethical dilemmas. Uncle Dougie has kept us cooped up, sad, and single for more than 360 days as of today in various twists on “stay at home order”.

According to Dan Kelly, president of the Canadian Federation of Independent Businesses, “In terms of simple business closures, Toronto has probably had the longest lockdown in North America, and possibly the world.” Looking around at the rest of the world, I question the necessity of these extreme measures. I have tried to be the dutiful, respectful, tax-paying citizen doing my part of the cause for the most part, but has it really done us any good?

Dating Apps Vaccine Badges

The Pandemic Has Changed the Apps

There seems to be a bit of a subculture which has made niches of the main 3 apps people use in Toronto. Tinder was for casual hookups, bumble was for beta boys who need the woman to take the lead, and hinge tended to be for those invested in getting finding a relationship. I feel like the pandemic has thrown a lot of this out the window. Surprisingly, most of my friends who have gotten into serious monogamous relationships during the pandemic have met through Tinder.

Vaccine Badges

I was asked yesterday how I felt about “vaccine badges”. They haven’t made their way to the apps yet in Canada, but either way – I am rapidly losing interest in swiping left and right and then never talking. A badge isn’t going to change that. When it comes to the vaccine, I have developed a couple of notions for those who declare their vaccine status in their bios. Let’s start with vaxxed and anti-vax.Covid-19 Vaccine Badges

The Anti-vaxxers Aren’t Always Anti-Maskers

If he’s hesitant about the vaccine (or against it altogether), but has taken a dip in the pool at Cabana, I think it’s clear that we have fundamental differences in belief systems and values. By that same token, if he thinks he’s important enough for Bill Gates to have installed a microchip in his arm, he’s probably a little too self-involved for me. I think it’s pretty clear that anti-maskers effect others, while anti-vaxxers risk their own health. If you want to dick around with long-term, mystery side effects, that’s on you, bb.

Covid Vaccine Badge Research

Personally, I think it’s wise to get the vaccine to keep yourself out of the hospital and to leave resources for those who actually need them. My ideal partner understands/ respects the mRNA research which has been ongoing since the 1960’s. He doesn’t have a PhD from WebMD and he doesn’t believe everything his crazy Uncle George posts on Facebook. My ideal partner would have gotten the vaccine not JUST because it would keep him safe from COVID-19, but because getting the jab is a direct contribution to the return of normal, pre-pandemic life.

You would think that based on the aforementioned, I’d be hugely in favour of a vaccine badge. In reality, the badge itself doesn’t really make a difference for me. At this stage, I’m not sure how vaccine badges would be verifiable. This, to me, is just another opportunity for people to lie on their online resume – er, bio. If you’re really interested and it’s really a priority for you, ask the question. Have a conversation with the person. If their values don’t align with yours, u n m a t c h.

The only way to weed out the ones who are DEFINITELY not for me would be if there was an anti-vax badge, and (for obvious reasons) I don’t see the apps doing that. To the men who are advertising that they’ve received their first shot (of two) and stating that they’re “fully vaxxed” – Sir, are you sure you understand the assignment? Yes – you’ve got some antibodies, but we’re not quite out of the woods. Finally, when a dude’s entire online effort is limited to “6′, because apparently it matters”, I don’t think a rinky-dink badge is going to push me to swipe right.

Vaccine, Doctor, Injection, Syringe

For those bragging that they have had both doses – and let’s say, for argument’s sake, that it’s true – flexing that you’re vaccinated is the opposite of wearing a mask. Hear me out: when you wear a mask you’re showing that you’re protecting other people from your germs. When you brag about being vaccinated, however, the cynic in me feels kind of like you’re saying, “hey – Netflix and chill will be safe … for me. Choose your own adventure!” Might as well f*ck without a condom, right bro?

Injection, Syringe, Vaccine, Medical, Health, Medicine

The Badge is Bullsh*t

While dating apps seem to be a necessary evil, I’m hoping that once we’re all vaxxed, waxed, and relaxed, I can delete them once and for all. I yearn for the “before days” of bar-hopping; trying to find the cheapest shots and cutest guys. Dating apps have ruined the magic of the meet-cute. Even if there are fireworks (rare/ never guaranteed), they’ve conditioned us to always look out to see if someone better will come along. I don’t have all the answers; in fact, I may not have any. In my opinion vaccine badges are just another marketing gimmick. Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a bio by a badge.

Vaccine Badges Pinterest Pin ThatGirlCartier

Repat Dating Diaries: The Trash Takes Itself Out

If there’s one thing a man should know when dating me, it’s that I have a very close relationship with my parents. While they don’t know everything, they know most things. I try to avoid telling them things which will hurt them or make them worry. Sometimes they’ll surprise you when you do end up over-sharing.

dating diaries alley

In this episode of the Repat Dating Diaries, I can’t decide whether he was a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater or if this was a turkey dump. I’ve been seeing someone for the past couple of months. Things were going well! I’d see him once a week, we’d text nearly all day, and I was actually mildly hopeful. I loved waking up to an article or cute video from him, and made sure to say goodnight before crashing. I enjoyed the whole “taking it slow” thing; not just due to trying to let a relationship grow naturally rather than the warp-speed I encountered dating other expats, but also due to the global pandemic. Hugs make people nervous, understandably. Anything more than that is, of course, even riskier.

dating diaries red flag

Red Flags

When we discussed dating exclusively I wasn’t actually all that excited, but I thought it was wise since both of us have parents in their 70’s. What came as a mighty surprise was when yesterday, on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, I received a text from him giving me a glowing review, but saying that he was “progressing” with someone else.

dating diaries thanksgiving train

I wasn’t aware the real reason he was sending me off on a horrible guilt trip rather than saying bon voyage for a 45 minute Go Train journey from Toronto was not due to the fact that he thought my conservative outdoor activity would put my parents at risk. In fact, the real reason was that he clearly expected all of the ladies he was dating to be monogamous. Bit unfair that he couldn’t return the favour, no?

dating diaries turkey dump

Love Lockdown

Not only did he make me unable to see my family on Thanksgiving, he ensured that as we go into Lockdown 2.0 I’ll be alone. He restricted my opportunities and put me in danger of getting Covid-19 with an extended bubble I wasn’t aware I had. I’m glad he’s got a girlfriend for the upcoming cold and lonely nights, but I resent that he limited me from being able to have someone, too.

dating diaries trash

Trash

Once a mother has written you off, there’s no getting back in her good graces. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday. Mum says that she won’t be wishing anyone “Happy Thanksgiving” this year because “Mac ruined it”. I FaceTimed with my parents this afternoon and my Mum asked what I was up to this evening. I told her I had some blog maintenance to do, Netflix to watch, some leftovers to reheat, and trash to take out. Her words?

“I thought the trash took itself out last night.”

dating diaries trash

Dating Diaries: How to Attract What You’re Least Expecting

The concept of manifesting your goals has been rattling around in my head for quite some time. There’s great power in positive thinking, and harnessing that power and honing it has been a big focus for me, especially toward the end of this year. It’s amazing what happens when you focus on something very particular and send out a very specific request to the universe. The answer certainly surprised me!

Lately I haven’t been focused so much on dating, but more on fitness, rest, healthy cooking, and just generally making it to the next day. After a tumultuous first year back in Canada, my aim is to focus on the positive, release the negative, and practice gratefulness.

It seems that the best things come to those who clearly envision their goals and make solid plans. This year, I wrote down that I wanted to see Angkor Wat. On my birthday, YYZ Deals came out with a massive list of destinations from Toronto on China Eastern. One such destination was Siem Reap. The goal I envisioned (and wrote down) turned into a reality in less than three months. I decided that was enough to get me on the path of the vision board making my dreams into goals, my goals into plans, and my plans into reality.

I often write about dating, so how do you make your vision into a reality when it comes to love? I mean, as much as it’s been on the back-burner, I’d be very happy to have a partner. They say you find love when you least expect it. How does that work with the law of attraction?

The Secret: “Under the Law of Attraction, the complete order of the Universe is determined, including everything that comes into your life and everything that you experience. It does so through the magnetic power of your thoughts. Through the Law of Attraction like attracts like. What you think about, you bring about.”

If thoughts become things, then how could you find “the love of your life” when you least expect it? Knowing that there isn’t a unique thought left on the planet, I dove headfirst into black hole of Google. Turns out the answer was on the very first page:

The Law of Attraction: “Focus on your intention, hand it to the eternal energy of the universe to contemplate entirely. You will have stopped the experience of wanting; therefore, you will have automatically placed yourself in a better position to receive. Just like those aha moments when ideas and solutions have entered your mind unexpectedly, you suddenly received what you wanted. 

If you are desperate to have something, you are in a state of need. Thus, you remain needy instead of becoming successful. The universe receives your needy energy, and politely sends you more needy energy since it is programmed to deliver your primary focus.

Your life might still be enhanced greatly when you receive gifts from the universe, and in this sense, you require what you obtain. However, you are not urgently crying out for a result when it occurs. Recognize that you also need to throw the energy of ‘want’ that you have created to the wind. When you have done so, good things will blow into your life.”

I had sent out a request to the universe to find, in essence, a unicorn. I wanted to meet someone who wasn’t from Toronto since the pickings have been so slim. I wanted to meet someone who has goals and ambitions; has his own thing going on. Someone who could make me laugh. A man who believes in monogamy. Physically I don’t really have a preference, but I like someone who is active and ready to try new things.

…and then he appeared.

I had a fantastic date with a man I seem to have dreamed up. It may not stand the test of time, but as far as the concept of asking the universe for what you want? I’m sold. Ask the universe for your wildest dreams with very specific details, then let all that focused, yet impatient, energy fly away; released to the universe – no longer something on which you need to fixate. The universe unfolds as it should.

Expat Dating Diaries: Travel Romance

The Travel Romance is just one part of the 7 Worst Guys an Expat Can Date. I have been avoiding writing this section for the better part of 3 years because the first one really and truly shook me to my core. While I’ve moved on, I still haven’t quite recovered. I’ve realized, however, that there’s a difference between a Travel Romance and Travel Love.  Travel Love has potential. It makes you want to work for, nay, fight for something intangible. It sweeps you off your feet and keeps you dangling – waiting for the other shoe (er – you, in this case) to be dropped.

This one shouldn’t be avoided altogether, but you must know upon entry that your risk of heartbreak is about 90%.  Meeting in vacation mode gives you the opportunity to live without the stress of work and other responsibilities at home.  You are at your peak around one another.  You’re consumed by the bliss of being in a new place with exciting adventures at every turn.  Give in to the Travel Love, just don’t give away your heart completely.  It will fly away to the other side of the planet to taunt you with ransom letters every time your time-zones allow you to connect.

Travel Romance, on the other hand, is fleeting. It’s a fling on the road never designed to be permanent. It has a mutually communicated date of expiration. Feelings might evolve, but you have perspective. It’s a paragraph; not a chapter.

I genuinely don’t understand the mating rituals of singles in Toronto. On vacation, with just a lingering gaze and a tentative wave, you’ve got the opening to conversation which could lead to a night of passion or following your newfound bliss across the country. Here in Canada, even at a designated “meet market”, all you’ll find are raggedy men glued to their phones or yelling about real estate.

My first Travel Romance after starting The Toronto Seoulcialite was in Shanghai back in 2015. It was my first truly solo trip, and I was shaking in my boots waiting for take-off. When I approached the hostel (with a printed out map and walking instructions – no SIM card), I was tired and nervous and wasn’t sure if I should venture out or wait until daylight broke. As I walked to the lobby a voice called out; “We’ve been waiting for you!”

It turns out he was from California, was staying at my hostel, had spent the last 5 years learning Mandarin, and had had a series of seizures in Beijing. He wasn’t sure if his health was up to finishing his months-long trip and hadn’t made any plans for Shanghai. I, on the other hand, had planned my trip down to the minute. We met up the next day and ventured around the city. It was nice to have a flirty new friend with whom to wander. People assumed we were married, and we didn’t correct them.

All things considered, he wasn’t a bad insta-husband for 2015!

The charade was all too pleasant. We walked all over for two days and the extent of our physical relationship was a bit of hand-holding and a tender kiss on my forehead. It was better than traveling solo. Better still than traveling with certain women. An intense flicker of chemistry with a well-established expiration. I was hooked.

After my little taste of Travel Romance I dove well into the deep-end with Adonis. After him, I thought I’d never fully let my heart go again. Then, I met an American (ex-Co-P) who confirmed it. I’ve never been as happy with anyone as I was when we were wandering through the dusty back roads of Phuket with a snaggle-tooth pup in tow. Since ex-Co-P, there’s been the Gentle Brummie in Seoul, the Tazzie with Trust Issues in Bali, Mr. Non-Monogamy in Toronto (who I met when home felt like a real trip), and the Dutchman in Hoi An. He cooked for me and I reworked his resume. We’re still talking, but that’s just for fun. That’s the key to a successful Travel Romance: make it all about fun in the moment.

Candidly Cartier: The Power of No

Men are simple. Women are often pretty simple, too. We all want what we can’t have. Anything that is out of reach is challenge; a goal. It bothers most of us when we’re given a simple “no”. Isn’t it amazing how one little two-letter word can hold so much power?

Patterns in relationships are changing. As they evolve, I find that traditional, cisgendered, heterosexual relationships are going the way of the dinosaur. “Love who and how you want to love” is my sentiment, but my ultimate goal is a lot more traditional. As much as I hate being cookie-cutter, I like the option of a conventional relationship. I’ll put it right out there: I want to get married and have a family. I’d like to be able to dance with my father in a nice dress at my wedding (albeit destination with a limited guestlist).

Do you have to take some “settle” when you want to settle down? My mother always told me, “men are like streetcars – another will be along in a few minutes.” Sure, but if you’ve ever taken the TTC during rush hour, you’ll know it’s a balancing act to get on and a fight to the finish. Welcome to dating in Toronto. A signal problem is effecting all lines. Welcome to your thirties.

TTC Crabs

Toronto takes the cake for crappy dating pools. The men in Toronto are old, crusty towels with tinder profiles stating their height and “no fatties”. Riveting. When you meet one who is good-looking, is employed and ambitious, and takes care of himself, can you imagine the desperation he must be able to smell? Quality men are not like streetcars. They don’t come along frequently, and when they do I’m assuming single women look at them like they’re unicorns. I mean – I certainly do.

These men are used to hearing the word “No”, but they’re not used to women meaning it. I’ll probably get a lot of flack for this, but women I know and others I read about or watch on TV often fall into the same old script of saying no then giving in. These dudes are smooth! They often get what they want without even asking. There’s power in pushing him away – channel it.

There is power in “No”. The saying “always leave them wanting more” isn’t unique to dating, but the shoe sure does fit. Silly romantic comedies with particular sets of rules exist for a reason – we’re the rule, not the exception. If you (er – I) want to have a traditional relationship, when I meet a new unicorn, a coy McCoy and negative Nancy I’ll sure as sh*t need to be.

Re-pat Dating Diaries: “LOL – It’s Complicated”

Looking back on my teen through mid-twenties crushes, I thought the juiciest thing in the world was the time at the beginning of a relationship. The heart/ gut-wrenching “does he or doesn’t he like me” feeling was one I looked back on almost fondly. Potential romance was fleeting, but almost as lovely as the romance itself. The excitement, the uncertainty, the torture, and the relief were things I looked back on as feeling like my heart was on fire.

That feeling left me entirely for three years, and for that I’m now so thankful. While I was in Korea, I dated 3 men who, in the beginning, gave me no feelings of uncertainty. I developed feelings not just of confidence, but self-assurance and safety from my partner. It wasn’t precarious – in the beginning I never felt like I was about to fall or my world collapse.

Dating now that I’m back in Toronto is disappointing. I keep meeting these complete and total losers who genuinely make me feel like I should give up and get a cat (or a second job!) Then, it’s like the Universe recognizes my disappointment in humanity; my loneliness.

I’m certainly not the free-spirited, lithe, fun-loving woman I was from 28-31. I’ve gained weight, lost confidence, and have retreated to the lost little girl I was in my teens through mid twenties. A glimmer of hope in romance leaves a world of doubt. Still, the Universe has brought me a forest fire.

I want a partner – someone with whom I can adventure, but also in which I can confide. This man is irreverent, masculine, sexy, and arrogant. He hasn’t quite shown me many of the answers to his brooding mystery, yet. Over the past year I’ve questioned whether I would ever be “cool enough” for a relationship with him. Recently, he has made me feel safe in the most emotionally nourishing intimacy I’ve experienced since I packed the man I still consider to be the love of my life into a taxi to the airport.

You can have sex without intimacy, and I’ve had incredible intimacy without sex. Just having someone hold you and interlock your fingers in theirs is like the emotional Kama Sutra.

Will he or won’t he feel the same way?

Flings, Stings, Constant Cravings: Am I Summoning a Demon on Earth?

Secret Whisper Couple Brunette Toronto Dating

Exes & Oh No’s: Part 2

It’s always amazing how when you’re happy with someone new, your old beaus come back to haunt you. The night before Adonis moved to Korea, an old fling who had hurt me quite a bit came back to explain his actions and beg for forgiveness. When I started dating Co-P, Adonis took responsibility for each and every thing which had driven me bonkers during our relationship. The way I handled all of those things was certainly the reason for our relationship’s demise, and the fact that he knew he had done a plethora of stress/ rage inducing things throughout our tenure (but was too stubborn to change) created a flood of emotions which were confusing, especially when I was starting to date someone new.

leather jacket couple distance

Flings and Stings

We all have a bizarre sense of when the winds change, but what about people who haven’t made that much of an impact, yet? I work near this guy I met almost a year ago. Things got very intense really quickly, and he ran for the hills. I thought he has ghosted me entirely. He has come back time after time with the caveat that he doesn’t believe in monogamy. (*LOL ROLLS EYES INTO BACK OF HEAD FOREVER!*) I think that just means that he’s scared – scared to miss the opportunity of another notch. He’s scared to actually feel something and potentially get hurt. He’s scared to put in a little effort.
Romance Love Couple Winter Snow Dating Toronto

Constant Cravings

I rarely run into him, but when I do it’s always when I’m starting something new with someone else. I’ve been on a few dates with someone who seems to have everything I’d like in a partner on paper, but he’s starting to pull back and I just don’t have the time or energy for that.  Enter guy who works nearby – let’s call him ‘Sensory Overload’. He always manages to bump into me when I’m questioning my self-worth. he’s a total f*ckboi and I hate that I actually have a crush on the dude, but when you’re with him you feel like the only person on the planet. He will literally stop traffic to give me a hug. He’ll hang up the phone (he’s always on the phone, of course he is) to ask what’s going on in my world. He sends cute messages once we part ways. When I need him casually, he’s always around.
gremlin, action figure, gargoyle, monster, dating, toronto
Why can’t we ever get what we want at the right time? This is why we turn into gremlins when one from the fold has found “a good one”. Tinder is like Pokémon-Go – we search the city swiping for monsters. We’re desperate for structure and consistency. Why am I summoning this demon each time something good starts to go a little sour?

Repat Dating Diaries: Oh no – I’ve been on this date before!

Cold, Quiet, Dry Winter Months

It’s been seven months since my return from the land of morning calm (Korea, dweebs). In that time I’ve tried to date as much as possible, if only to provide you lovely Seouls with fresh content so you can feel better about your lives as we go into the cold, winter months. I thought Itaewon was bad for guys and girls alike furiously swiping left and right while at a bar full of decent-looking, age appropriate humans with at least the common expat connection.  No, no – Toronto is far worse for tinder tendinitis.

Double-Dipping for Dating

I got pretty lucky meeting the hot, young, Italian 3-minute Stallion. I met a guy who flew all the way to Jamaica for some fatherly advice after we got “too intimate too quickly” (read: we went on 3 dates that week and he met my roommate’s dog). There was a carpenter, but if you’ve been reading for a while then you know there’s only one carpenter in my heart (and no, it’s not JC). Beyond that, I’ve yet to really date the same dude twice – except I did.

Repetitive Repercussions

Keep in mind that I had been living on the other side of the planet for 3 years when I tell you this story. I thought the pictures were kind of familiar, but I just didn’t put two and two together. It was like a bad episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. There I was sitting in a booth at The Drake Hotel (a popular West Queen West spot) and my date walked in. He wasn’t anything to write home about, but I probably wouldn’t have kicked him out of bed either. Then, he opened his mouth and it all came flooding back. After 3 years, he still told me the same stories about his 1 trip to Poland (tldr: he got drunk the whole time and saw no historical attractions). My date was still bragging about buying his condo with 0% down.

I’ve Learned Nothing

Was this a trap? Did he know that I knew who he was? Was he pretending we had never met before, too? This was the first time I had doubled-down on a dreadful date. Are there really so few single men in this city? Have I completed the circle and come back to the start?

Who knows…

I’ll probably make this mistake again.

 

Dating in Toronto: Are Local Men Commitment-Phobes?

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Dating in Toronto: Are Women Too Intimidating?

Now that I’m back in Toronto I’m trying to assess the dating pool from the outside looking in.  While I’m more focused on finding a job than a date (current job ✓, new job August 20th ✓), my gal pals are on the prowl.  I’ve returned from Korea to find I only have a handful of single male friends.  It seems like I have more single female friends in my age-group than ever, and they are all experiencing the same problem.  Is it that Toronto men are scared of commitment or scared of a confident, successful woman?  Let’s take a look at some examples of my single pals and other gals dating in Toronto.

 

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Lisa Fotios

 

Dating in Toronto: Lisa

Lisa and I have known one another for over 10 years.  She’s got a pretty dominant personality at first, but is pretty chilled out and easygoing when it comes to making plans.  She finished her MBA a few years ago and has taken on a senior role at a start up.  She’s passionate about her work, her dog, and her family.  I haven’t seen my friend Lisa in 4 months.  Why?  Well, she’s been pretty heavily into the Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid scenes.  For her, Dating in Toronto is a full-time job, too.  She’s met a pretty attractive man who seems to take up a lot of her time, yet another commitment-phobe, plus she’s juggling a gazillion first dates.  Seems like she’s collecting a variety of styles, throwing them at the wall, and just seeing what sticks.  So far she hasn’t really gotten anywhere, and I haven’t really seen my friend!

 

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Dating in Toronto: Abby

Abby is 25.  She goes out every Friday to the exact same bar hoping to find a husband.  I shit you not, this girl honestly thinks that the first guy who doesn’t back away when she smashes her face into his is going to make for a great provider for her 2.5 children, dog, and white picket fence in Thornhill.  Abby joined ultimate frisbee because she thought it would be a great way for her to meet guys.  She does it all for the ‘gram.  She captions with the likes of “your vibe attracts your tribe” on a picture of a group of people who don’t actually know one another.  With someone like Abby, you can’t share your interest in a particular member of the opposite sex.  She will undermine any sort of connection you had by trotting over, tits out, making the game real easy for ya man over there.  Why work an hour for $100 when someone’s dangling a $20 note in your face, right?  She gets off on creating competition with her remaining female friends.  She’s a juvenile, insecure, little girl who needs the validation of strange men more than the loyalty and support of gal pals.  Don’t be an Abby, don’t take home an Abby, don’t befriend an Abby.

female model pose art hat girl woman beautiful attractive thinking pensive Dating in Toronto: Are Local Men Commitment-Phobes? That Girl Cartier
Eneida Nieves

Dating in Toronto: Jessica

Jessica has a revolving door of men.  She keeps 2 or 3 in play and has a whole bunch of guys on the bench.  She climbed the corporate ladder quickly at the same company for the last 8 years.  Recently, she bought a condo and furnished it exactly the way she wanted having lived in a shitty, run-down old building for most of her time in Toronto.  Dating in Toronto changed a lot for Jessica when she made the move.  All of a sudden the dudes who were freelancing and bartending on the side felt the need to get their shit together and move on up in the world.  Jessica was finally showing the wealth she had accumulated, and these guys were not into it.  The two men she’s currently dating have told her those three little words over and over again (“I love you”, for those of us who are jaded).  Neither of them want to date exclusively.  It’s sad, but when you’re dating in Toronto everyone is always on the look-out for something better.  They could have their perfect man or woman doing naked back-flips in their front yard, but unless they put down the phone they’ll remain completely oblivious.

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and outdoor, graffiti, Street Art, Toronto, graffiti alley, YYZ, Dating in Toronto: Are Local Men Commitment-Phobes? That Girl Cartier
Jennifer Decan

Dating in Toronto – Candidly Cartier

So what’s the secret to actually meeting someone in Canada’s largest city?  I thought it would be easier than my experiences in Korea seeing as there are more native English speakers here and many of us grew up with similar cultural backgrounds.  In reality, it’s far more difficult.  Why is dating in Toronto so obnoxious?  When I met Adonis, it was an instant connection.  Our wifi signal was weak and I can honestly say, for me, it was love at first sight.  I don’t think that feeling will ever go away, and even thousands of miles apart I still feel like we’re connected.  With ex-Co-Pilot it was easy, too.  I begrudgingly met him after a series of crappy first dates and it was a “right place, right time” situation.  He was absolutely incapable of being alone, and I needed a band-aid.  Now I’m in a situation where I have a great apartment, great job, and some great friends.  I’m no longer working as a conventionally “female” gender role (as a teacher), and the intimidation factor is out of control when you’re dating in Toronto.

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Caitlyn Wilson

Dating in Toronto is Exhausting

I’m too tired to get dolled up and go out on Friday nights.  I’d muuuuuch rather Netflix and Chill.  Going out clothes sold here are either hoochie-mama bralets and booty shorts or totally binding triacetate-polyester blend urban professional attire.  There is no in between, anymore.  My feet hurt.  Doing my hair and makeup, stuffing myself into spanx, then trying to get that dang zipper up by myself is exhausting – and for what?  All you see at these meet markets are people trying to get the bartender’s attention or simply sitting in a corner and swiping all night.

texting, 2 girls, iphone, Dating in Toronto: Are Local Men Commitment-Phobes? That Girl Cartier

Swipe for Your Life

Speaking of swiping, I’ve been out on my fair share of first and second dates having met through a dating app.  My aforementioned friends and I get the same message each and every time we opt to keep our legs together for more then a couple of dates.  “I think you’re looking to take things a little slower than me.  I’m looking for something more casual.”  Sir, I’ve met you twice.  It’s entirely unfair to imagine that you know what I want.  It’s cocky to think that you’re such a stud that I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you after seeing you in two different outfits.  Also, it’s pretty pathetic that apparently I’m only good enough to be your booty-call.  I was prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt after your horrendous first kiss because we had good banter.  I’m starting to think that these morons just want their tinder date to turn up and bend over before agreeing to ever meet again.

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Martin Jernberg

A Girl’s Gotta Eat

These guys seem to think that I want the ring, the house, and the 2.5 kids immediately.  It’s not that I want something serious, I just want something consistent.  I’m starting a new job and have a pretty full schedule, but a girl’s gotta eat, right?  Realistically, I’d like to have a companion with whom to do absolutely nothing on Friday nights, and maybe to go hiking with on Saturday mornings.  I like breakfast in bed, too.  Yeah – I’ll make it.  Don’t get up.  There’s still so much of the world to see, and I’m plenty happy as a solo traveler.  If you’re along for the ride, great.  Please don’t assume to know what I want.  Don’t dismiss me simply because you’re intimidated or a Toronto man scared of the first inkling of commitment.

 

Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger Men? Yes, please!

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

The Newest in Dating Diaries: Repatriation

When writing about something as sensitive as dating, it’s kind of tough to write something positive without hurting someone’s feelings.  You might be thinking “huh? What’s she talking about?  Why would writing something good hurt someone?”, but hear me out.  When you write something – anything at all – and it strikes a chord in a man (even one you may have never met!) the comments section can get a little heated.  I’m ready and waiting with popcorn (Smartfood, I’ve missed you) for all of the man-hating, extreme feminist names they have stored in their back pockets.  When you write something about men in general, and someone else he thinks he’s the man in your life, feelings can get hurt.  I am single.  I am all over the map literally and figuratively.  In the (almost) 3 weeks I’ve been back in North America, I’ve met some truly wonderful people, and surprisingly young and accomplished men.

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating After Korea

Since leaving Korea, I’ve been through Bali, back to Korea, to Canada, the United States, and back to Canada all within 40 days.  If any of you think dating in Korea is wonderful, welcome to the rest of the world.  It’s your damn oyster!  If you’re having trouble and want to explore the dating world more extensively, maybe the contract life in the land of the morning calm isn’t for you.  I know I’ve always been the queen of bad timing, and Korea pressure didn’t help.  I’ve recently had a freedom and flexibility which seems to have been pretty attractive to men.  Well, pretty attractive to the average ODB and younger man, alike.  It feels nice to have most people believe I’m somewhere between 21 and 25.  Guess my multi-step K-Beauty routine has been working!  I’m always honest and upfront about being 30.  Ain’t no shame in that game.  My Tinder is set to meet men 25 – 37, which I feel is fairly age-appropriate.  Meeting younger guys (organically) has actually taught me a lot about how to relax into the dating world again.  In honour of The Real Housewives of New York City returning to Bravo, let’s let my favourite cradle-robber, Carole Radziwill,  tell you all about why repatriation is best with a younger man by your side.

Carole RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Confidence

At 30 (and after living in Korea), it’s really easy to get anyone’s number.  I’ve just been living in fantasy land (as far as any recruiters are concerned) for the past 3 years.  If you can’t walk up to a random hottie and pretend you’re just two SIMS characters after that, what HAS Korea taught you?  Seriously – after 30 we just don’t care.  There are dating opportunities everywhere.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

You Can’t Hurry Love

You might think that dating is the same everywhere.  That notion would be entirely incorrect.  Living in Korea has completely shaped the way I interact with men.  Expats don’t typically buy into the Korean way of dating, but we definitely don’t do it like we would back home.  We’ve all got that added pressure of our contract’s time limit looming over our heads, so more often than not we rush.  I remember by our 3rd date (in as many days) Co-P asked me to be his girlfriend (and subsequently married the next woman he only met a handful of times.  Bullet = dodged).  Adonis went from traveling SEA to living with me in the course of a month.

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You’ve been out of the game for X many years

Things happen so quickly when you’re living abroad or traveling.  I had a whirlwind romance turned roller-coaster ride in Bali over 10 days.  It’s insane how quickly things develop.  Because of my experiences, I have the emotional ADHD of a much younger human.  I need to learn how to slow down and actually meet people again the Western way.  In order to do so, dating a guy on my level has a number of benefits:

He’s Not Necessarily Established

Coming back to live in Canada I’ve stayed with my parents, gone on a blogger trip, and am currently house-sitting.  Until I sort out my job and living situation in Toronto, I’m 30 and living in my parents’ basement.  Good news!  He’s probably still living with Mommy and Daddy, too, or he may have just moved out on his own.  You’re ready to re-enter the social scene and he’s eager to experience the city.  Nobody’s there to make you feel bad about starting over since he’s starting up as well.

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He’s Protective

The younger guys I’ve met thus far have been far more earnestly doting, caring, and chivalrous than guys my age.  Maybe there’s been a renaissance in upbringing or maybe they feel like they have more to prove with the change in typical gender dynamics.  Whatever it is, I’m appreciative.  All my life I’ve been so worried about losing someone precious.  Suddenly I feel like I’m the important one they don’t want stolen away.

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He’s Got the Energy

‘Nuff said.

He’ll teach you about the latest trends

I feel like such a geriatric creature bringing this one up, but there are pieces of generational technology I haven’t had time to peruse.  He’ll help you assess the latest gadgets and give you the specs before even heading in to buy the hardware.  When I’m still fighting with Olleh/ Korea Telecom (KT) to get my last account closed, it’s great to have a wealth of knowledge helping me along.

 

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Younger: He Looks Good

Have you ever noticed how 30 year old men look these days?  Being stressed and overworked not only has an effect on the ol’ beer belly, but their skin loses glow, too.  Cameron Diaz’s character in “The Holiday” talks about how men age gracefully and women become haggard.  “I’m gonna call bullshit on that.”  That couldn’t be farther from the truth for me.  5 years ago, a friend who had just turned 30 told me she was the happiest and in the best shape of her entire life.  I scoffed, but dammit if those words aren’t ringing like the Bell of Good Luck in my 30, flirty, and thriving ears.

In my mid-twenties I was fat and miserable.  I worked out plenty, but stress and poor eating habits got the best of me.  Coming back from Korea, I have a phenomenal beauty routine thanks to my friends at Leegeeham, G2Cell, CosRX (they just sent me a package I can’t WAIT to review for you), and Seoul Cosmetic Surgery.  Botox is no longer taboo.  Wouldn’t you want to stop the aging process dead in its tracks?  I don’t want to look like I’m dating a child, but I’m not ready to look like I’m dating my dad, either.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Expectations

When I was in my early to mid twenties, I went out with guys who I considered to be out of my league.  I dated a lot of douche-canoes; a lot of big Richards, if you will.  Ladies: you are worth it.  Don’t ever let a guy string you along without commitment simply because you think he’s too hot or too accomplished.  Spoiler alert: there’s no such thing!  If he’s interested in spending time with you in or out of the bedroom, then you need to be clear about your expectations.  When you’re happy with what you’re getting then that’s perfect.  If you’re not, make it clear!

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Doubts

I’ve learned to care a lot less about what other people think.  If he fucks it up?  Well… I don’t care, really.  I mean it’s lovely for now, but he’s got a lot of living to do before settling down.  I’m looking to plant those roots in Toronto, but until then why waste good company?

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Warning: Dating Younger may have Drama Closer than it Appears

When dating a younger man, there’s always the chance there will be some pathetic fly on the wall desperate to make a meal out of a snack.  One day she’ll learn.  For now, ignore…ignore…ignore.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Dating Deterrents

In my last year in Korea I dealt with the most vile, psychotic woman I’ve ever met because she thought she was dating my boyfriend.  She met him twice – before I had ever met him.  The vendetta lasted a year, and I’m sure the wine, fat-shaming, and name-calling parties continue even now that I’m gone.  There’s plenty more to the story, but that’s too juicy for today.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Just one for the young ladies considering the paragraph above.  We’re older.  We’re wiser.  Take heed.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Korea –> Canada: Dating through Repatriation

Living in Korea was great for my health, horrible for my heath, and taught me a lot.  It was great because in my first year I was able to create that work/ life balance I so craved.  I had the opportunity to cook properly, my favourite snack foods were disgusting in Korea (BBQ Cheetos – ew!), and I had split shifts meaning I could work out 2 hours a day.  I took my weekends off, and that’s where I’d let myself go off the rails a little bit.

Number 1 rule?  No gym on weekends.  Number 2 rule?  It’s okay to eat an entire pie from Pizza School (corn and all) on Sunday.  Was I hungover?  Absolutely.  Had I cleaned my entire apartment Friday night rather than go out?  Hell yes.  Did that have something to do with the “focus candy” prescribed liberally?  OH YEAH.  Korea helped me lose my stress weight and taught me about balance.  When you feel good you look good and that goodness radiates.  I have a whole new outlook on dating in Canada right now.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

My #1 Key to Dating Anywhere

What did I learn?  Well, this series is about dating, so we’ll keep it to that.  Communication is the absolute most important part.  Even if you’re dating someone from another English-speaking country, there are bound to be cultural differences.  Knowing what you want and what you can bring to the table is also important.  As someone returning to the dating game in my home country, I don’t feel comfortable dating someone who has just been blindly happy with the status quo the entire time I’ve been away.  Maybe it’s the Korean Skincare Routine, maybe I’m just not willing to settle for someone who has settled.  Regardless, I’m attracting younger guys – and I’m starting to be okay with that.

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

In conclusion, nobody needs to know you’re dating younger. 

You’re only as old as the man that you feel, right?

Carole Radziwill Bravo RHONYC Real Housewives of New York City GIF Re-pat Dating Diaries: Younger, North American Men - yes, please! That Girl Cartier

Have you experienced something interesting and unexpected coming back to the dating pool in your home country?  Let Cartier know in the comments section below!