The concept of manifesting your goals has been rattling around in my head for quite some time. There’s great power in positive thinking, and harnessing that power and honing it has been a big focus for me, especially toward the end of this year. It’s amazing what happens when you focus on something very particular and send out a very specific request to the universe. The answer certainly surprised me!
Lately I haven’t been focused so much on dating, but more on fitness, rest, healthy cooking, and just generally making it to the next day. After a tumultuous first year back in Canada, my aim is to focus on the positive, release the negative, and practice gratefulness.
It seems that the best things come to those who clearly envision their goals and make solid plans. This year, I wrote down that I wanted to see Angkor Wat. On my birthday, YYZ Deals came out with a massive list of destinations from Toronto on China Eastern. One such destination was Siem Reap. The goal I envisioned (and wrote down) turned into a reality in less than three months. I decided that was enough to get me on the path of the vision board making my dreams into goals, my goals into plans, and my plans into reality.
I often write about dating, so how do you make your vision into a reality when it comes to love? I mean, as much as it’s been on the back-burner, I’d be very happy to have a partner. They say you find love when you least expect it. How does that work with the law of attraction?
The Secret: “Under the Law of Attraction, the complete order of the Universe is determined, including everything that comes into your life and everything that you experience. It does so through the magnetic power of your thoughts. Through the Law of Attraction like attracts like. What you think about, you bring about.”
If thoughts become things, then how could you find “the love of your life” when you least expect it? Knowing that there isn’t a unique thought left on the planet, I dove headfirst into black hole of Google. Turns out the answer was on the very first page:
The Law of Attraction: “Focus on your intention, hand it to the eternal energy of the universe to contemplate entirely. You will have stopped the experience of wanting; therefore, you will have automatically placed yourself in a better position to receive. Just like those aha moments when ideas and solutions have entered your mind unexpectedly, you suddenly received what you wanted.
If you are desperate to have something, you are in a state of need. Thus, you remain needy instead of becoming successful. The universe receives your needy energy, and politely sends you more needy energy since it is programmed to deliver your primary focus.
Your life might still be enhanced greatly when you receive gifts from the universe, and in this sense, you require what you obtain. However, you are not urgently crying out for a result when it occurs. Recognize that you also need to throw the energy of ‘want’ that you have created to the wind. When you have done so, good things will blow into your life.”
I had sent out a request to the universe to find, in essence, a unicorn. I wanted to meet someone who wasn’t from Toronto since the pickings have been so slim. I wanted to meet someone who has goals and ambitions; has his own thing going on. Someone who could make me laugh. A man who believes in monogamy. Physically I don’t really have a preference, but I like someone who is active and ready to try new things.
…and then he appeared.
I had a fantastic date with a man I seem to have dreamed up. It may not stand the test of time, but as far as the concept of asking the universe for what you want? I’m sold. Ask the universe for your wildest dreams with very specific details, then let all that focused, yet impatient, energy fly away; released to the universe – no longer something on which you need to fixate. The universe unfolds as it should.
Over a year ago I wrote an article about the best summer date spots in Seoul. My most enjoyable first date in Seoul, however, was pretty unconventional. Our romance was short-lived and never got very serious. It was before I ever fell in love. It was before I ever truly had my heart broken, too. There were disappointments down the line, of course, but he and I actually still talk to this day. Maybe it has something to do with my best (and longest) first date in Seoul!
A friend and I had planned on going to the Doosan Bears game at Jamsil Stadium. She had come up from Dongtan and had no intention of joining me on a first date in Seoul. Thismilitary manand I had been chatting on and off on tinder for a few weeks. This was before having written about the 7 Worst Guys an Expat Can Date. I was avoiding seriously dating at the time. Since boys were already on their way to the game, so we figured we could all hang out. While sitting in the stands some overly aggressive foreigners started waving at us and one of them even shouted out, “Kate!” We still can’t figure out who they were, but they didn’t end up being the guys from Tinder. Because of that encounter, we almost bailed on the meet up. I’m so glad we didn’t!
I love going to watch live sports, so meeting up at a baseball game was perfect for me. At a baseball game you’ve got the hoopla of the game, the crowds, and the walk up songs. At a baseball game first date in Seoul you’ve got the bonus of cheerleaders, and announcer, and BYOB. If conversation gets boring, get well into the game. If the conversation is riveting, it’s just the Korean league. The field is smaller, the players are slower, and unless watching pop-fly after pop-fly being caught is your thing – it’s pretty repetitive. Not a ball fan? Find something else with an element of distraction or an easy out. If you’re meeting someone for the first time you don’t want to get sucked into a massive time commitment (read: waste of time). If you’re having a good time, however, laissez les bon temps rouler!
Could the sunset pictured above be any more perfect for your first date in Seoul? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one quite as extraordinary since! We got to canoodle for a bit as the game wrapped up and the sun went to sleep. Red sky at night, sailor’s delight, right? Well our weather the next day was pretty darn perfect as we strolled hand in hand along the stream, but that comes later…
First Date in Seoul Key # 3: Multiple Dates in One
Did you think my perfect first date in Seoul would lead you to a bathhouse crossed with Korean Dave & Buster’s? Well, we’re here! We had been out in Itaewon for dinner and needed somewhere to go before curfew hit. My date was actually with his boss who was totally down to check out Dragon Hill Spa. If you’ve never been to a Korean bath house/ sauna/ jimjilbang, read up on the most luxurious one in Busan! (Privilege check: this probably is best suited to cisgender straight couples. Being on a first date in the actual baths together could prove risky! I’ll let you use your imagination…) Here are my reasons why a jimjilbang is an awesome first date in Seoul.
First Date in Seoul Key # 4: Clean up Your Act!
With 9 different baths in the female sauna area, you’ll be super fresh, clean, and relaxed for the rest of your date. We separated for about 30 minutes and reacquainted fresh-faced, squeaky clean, and in pajamas! If a guy can’t handle me without makeup then I know it’s not going to last, but PJ’s is a whole ‘nother…ballgame!
First Date in Seoul Key # 5: Plenty to Explore
After a quick scrub and some relaxing in the tub, we all met up in the lobby. I used to live in Jamsil (south of the Han River in Seoul), so sometimes we’d crash at Dragon Hill if it was tough getting a taxi home. Since it’s open 24 hours, it’s also the perfect hideout if you want to socialize past curfew. Since the boys were new to Korea, we explored the many different saunas in the huge building. Are you a hot or cold sauna kind of person?
There is a restaurant and a snack bar. Grab a snack of some ramyeon (cup noodles), bingsu – a Korean dessert which is like flavoured “snow” (shaved ice), or a beer to keep you going!
I love getting a little competitive on first dates. Playing plenty of arcade games was a great way to get to know how my date handled victory and defeat! We shared a sneaky little first kiss in the singing room where he sang me his absolute favorite song (and where we screamed Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughta Know”).
Ready to catch some Zzz’s? Head into the indoor (or outdoor if you’re keen on being mosquito breakfast) cinema or any of the sleeping rooms around the jimjilbang. Sleeping together on the first date in Seoul means something a little different here! The best part? In the morning, we got to soak one more time before heading to breakfast in Itaewon.
You know you’re on a good date when you don’t stop to check your phone or take pictures along the way. Back in the winter of 2016 I took this snap of Chonggyecheon – a stream in Seoul. It was nice ticking this one off my Seoul bucket list. You can walk from Dongdaemun through Namdaemun and up to the palace by following the stream. Who knew just a few months later we’d be walking and talking hand in hand under a noticeably warmer, blue summer sky?
Have you ever been on a truly unconventional first date in Seoul or anywhere else?
As most of you know, I like to simplify my routines whenever possible. As far as beauty goes, I take care of my own blonde, I leave the K-Beauty treatments to the professionals, and my nightly skin care routine has to be easy and effective. I’m over the novelty of buying a gazillion skin care and beauty products in an attempt to find the next best thing in Korea. Now, if I find a product I love, I’ll invest in the set in the hopes that I can save time and money. When I went to Ruby Plastic Surgery for the Eunogo influencer open house, I was gifted a product which had immediate hydrating results on my dry, often sensitive skin. G2Cell’s Intensive Hydrating Capsule Cream was my gateway drug into the entire line. I think the 12-step Korean skincare regimen is kind of absurd, but these 7-steps have made all the difference. I’m high as a kite (on compliments, of course) and my skin has never felt better!
Sticker Shock
The price per item might shock you, but consider how long each product lasts. When I was buying my masks, moisturizers, ampoules, and essences at places like Olive Young or Etude House (I know, I know), I’d be lucky if they lasted longer than a month. I’ve been using G2Cell products daily since the beginning of October, and the bottles are still about 3/4 full. Investing in products like G2Cell’s means that you won’t be forking over more each month or having to go out of your way to replenish frequently. The ultimate revival line is designed to simulate the effects of botox (cha-ching) by using technology designed for a lifting effect. G2Cell is designed for low-irritation and high-function using ingredients like:
Biometric Water: This water is designed to activate tired cells. It uses natural ingredients with minerals, phospholipids, amino acids, proteins, and peptide solutions.
SYN-COLL: This ingredient generates collagen in the skin. It’s designed for skin regeneration.
Plant-Cell Extracts: Lotus flower callus culture extract rounds out the anti-inflammatory and anti-aging properties.
These skincare products have been created with research based on genetics. The idea is that your clinic can test your skin and recommend the ideal line for your skin type. I can’t speak to that as I haven’t done the test, but going into the fall/ winter months the Intensive Hydrating line seems to be the best bet. For more information on the examination, contact C&D Blue Company (info@cndblue.com or visit their website here).
This is the first product I use after removing my make-up. It helps to remove any residue from cosmetics or remover, especially around the eyes. Just a bit of the silky cleansing gel goes a long way. It lathers well and leaves my skin feeling clean without the dry or tight feeling of other cleansers. I keep this bottle right on my sink and use it before bed no matter what!
The G2Cell Ultimate Revival First Essence reminds me a lot of the clarifying lotion (toner) from Clinique. After cleansing, I’ll pop this on a cotton pad and gently wipe in a natural direction (remember to avoid the eye area). It’s amazing just how much dirt, grime, and gunk remains even after double cleansing. The first essence is what prepares your skin to absorb other hydrating products, so it’s a pretty important step!
Once I’ve finished with the first essence, I move onto the G2Cell Intensive Hydrating Ampoule Essence. A couple of pumps are all you really need to get your entire face and neck. This is a very quick drying formula to prepare your skin for further moisturizing.
“This ampoule provides long-lasting hydration and absorbs into the skin quickly. It will also helps the balance of the skin tone, giving the skin a more healthier look. This ampoule retains the moisture balance of the skin and creates a non-sticky moisture barrier which is very smooth. Because of the enhancing skin barrier, it helps provide nutrition and increase the skin’s elasticity. “
I have a couple of gripes about the packaging of this line. I find that the tough plastic makes the G2Cell Intensive Hydrating Emulsion difficult to get out of the bottle. You really do have to hit it to your hand almost like ketchup. This step involves a light cream which absorbs quickly.
G2Cell’s Intensive Hydrating Capsule Cream has got to be my favourite part of the entire line. This is the first product I tried and is what made me fall in love. The week I started using the capsule cream I starting getting compliments on my fresh, glowy, soft skin. The design is to retain “an optimal moisture balance to treat rough and dry skin”. This is a thick moisturizer which signals the finale of your evening skincare routine.
Contains:
INOSITOL: Excellent hydrating ingredient
AGAVE TEQUILANA LEAF EXTRACT: Outstanding moisturizing and abundant nutrition
FUCUS VESICULOSUS EXTRACT: Supplying moisture to skin and helping moisture barrier creation
“This blending hydrating cream provides moisture and essential nutrients to the skin. The skin absorbs the cream quickly to prolong the moisture and helps in activating the moisture circulation.”
I’m a kindergarten teacher, so by the end of the day my eyes are pretty puffy from staring at a screen, drawing on a boards, and chasing around my rugrats. I’ve used an eye cream since I turned 20 and find I prefer a less viscous formula like the G2Cell Ultimate Revival Eye Cream. Again, the packaging is a bit of a miss as it keeps falling down from its shelf in my medicine cabinet. I also can’t tell how much or how little I’ve used, so I probably won’t know when you re-order until it’s a bit too late. Regardless, I love the fact that it has a pump as well and I only need a pump or two to completely cover the Balenciagas below my lids.
Contains:
ARGIRELINE (ACETYL HEXAPEPTIDE-8): Reducing the appearance of wrinkles and preventing skin aging
OLANUM LYC OPERSICUM (TOMATO) FRUIT EXTRACT: Helping to maintain skin firmness by antioxidant
“Improving skin texture to leave it soft and smooth with a healthy glow, especially eye contour area. Restoring cream which highly concentrates on wrinkle improvement. Additional lifting effects will improve the wrinkle and tighten up the muscles from beneath. It also prevents skin tissue damaging with antioxidant ingredients within the product.”
Is the Ultimate Revival Draw Mist absolutely essential to my nightly routine? Probably not. I finish up with the final step of spraying the mist in a circular motion. The directions say I can use this before or after applying my make-up. It didn’t really make much of a difference for me as a setting spray, but I haven’t had much luck with those either. If you’re on a budget, I’d probably skip out on the mist. If you’re looking to dramatic change the overall look and feel of your skin, I’d invest in the entire line. I have always had rough patches (even in the humid summer months!), but this year has made all the difference. We’re into the frigid cold of November and I don’t have a dry patch in sight!
G2Cell Skin Care products are available at several cosmetic & plastic surgery clinics throughout Seoul, the official G2CELL site, the GENOHEAL website, or the Entas Duty Free Shop.For special discounts, follow @ThatGirlCartier on instagram and send me a direct message!
If you’d prefer to purchase products in person, are a reader from outside of Korea, or for international distribution contact:
G2Cell “provides a gene based customized product to each person by having gene test, which analyzes the skin type. It’s much more convenient to choose a product before using cosmetic products because you will know which one will fit with your skin.”
This article was written in unpaid partnership in exchange for an honest review of G2Cell products. ThatGirlCartier.com only features products or services I genuinely adore and would repurchase again and again.
The #1 cheapest and most talked about Korean beauty product is the sheetmask. You can find them in any Olive Young, Tony Moly, Etude House, Innisfree, The Face Shop, and more. There seem to be cute new sheetmask options coming out every week! From Star Wars to Pokemon to Placenta, there’s constantly a new Korean sheetmask gimmick. Which masks actually work? I tried a bunch last year, but it wasn’t until I found a brand from a plastic surgery company after an ultrasound hammer treatment that I actually felt a difference. Check out my go-to brands when I choose from my big bag of K-Beauty sheetmasks!
I was introduced to G2CELL at the Euno.go and Ruby Plastic Surgery event. This is by far my favourite sheetmask of the bunch. While the fit isn’t amazing, the results are almost immediate! I had super glowy skin all afternoon and evening after trying it on a Saturday morning.
G2Cell uses Biomimetic Water (composed of minerals, amino acid, peptide) and milk protein from New Zealand milk phospholipid. SYN-COLL is used to used to reduce wrinkles and increase firmness through collagen configuration and the promotion of Hyaluronan. Palmitoyl Tripeptide is also included. Aquaporin protects skin from moisture loss and improves elasticity. Carob Extract prevents wrinkle creation and improves skin elasticity. Elderberry Extract acts as an anti-aging, polyphenol ingredient.
Phospholipid: Linoleic acids play an important role in the human skin’s own synthesis of Ceramide 1. This is a a lipid that is important for intact barrier function. Natural phospholipids contain relatively high amounts of linoleic acids thus resulting in soft, hydrated, and protected skin.
Hyaluronan: Hyaluronic acid is a substance that is found naturally in the body. It is found in the highest concentrations in fluids in the eyes and joints. The hyaluronic acid that is used as medicine is extracted from rooster combs or created by bacteria in a lab.
Palmitoyl Tripeptide-5 is used in a number of different anti-aging products because it can communicate with skin cells and boost collagen production. The older your skin gets, the less collagen it produces.
This sheetmask is super creamy, has plenty of essence, but doesn’t drip! I love using this sheetmask before bed, especially if I’m about to fall asleep in a mask. This is a luxurious home sheetmask facial made using the same ingredients you’ll find in a fancy facial treatment at VIP clinic itself in Sinsa! Each sheetmask is used for different skin types and purposes: moisturizing, brightening, anti-aging, firm, and more. VIP also has its own line of facial sheetmask called ‘DR VIP’ White Pearl Mask, which is effective in anti-wrinkle and whitening care.
It is a daily care sheetmask (although a little pricy for daily use) that consists of a soft and fresh essence that moisturizes the skin. It consists of ingredients, such as Glutathione, pomegranate extract and persimmon tree leaf extract, which enhance clean and lively skin. In addition, Acetyl Hexapeptide-8 and Noni extract provide healthy and elastic skin.
Glutathione: Glutathione is a substance found in every cell in the body, where it acts as an antioxidant to neutralize free radicals and prevent cellular damage. Chemically, glutathione is a simple molecule composed of three protein building blocks or amino acids- cysteine, glutamine and glycine.
Acetyl Hexapeptide-8: Acetyl hexapeptide-8 or acetyl hexapeptide-3 is a synthetic anti-wrinkle cosmetics ingredient. It is a peptide which is a fragment of SNAP-25, a substrate of Botulinum toxin (“Botox in a Jar”).
Noni: Noni juice is a dietary supplement extracted from the exotic fruit noni, and is commonly marketed as a general health tonic. Manufacturers promote noni for lowering cholesterol, promoting healthy blood sugar levels and for cancer fighting benefits.
Directions:
After you wash your face, apply skin toner.
Then, wear the mask for around 10 to 20 minutes (depending on the product).
After you remove the mask, pat the remaining essence so that it can be absorbed into the skin.
Voila, you’ll experience improved skin!
VIP Plastic Surgery Center Seoul, Korea
For free consultation, please send email at vipps@vipps.kr
www.beauty-korea.com
Common Labs
My friends at GlamRecipe have really hooked me up over the past few months through their GlamRecipe StoreFront on Amazon.Both the Vitamin B & C Honey “Ggultamin (Honey Vitamin)” Real Jel Sheetmasks offer tons of essence and actually feel like they make a difference for my skin. I love the 2-step process including a finger peeling pad to remove dirt and dead skin. Even when using a two-step cleansing process (make-up remover and either Banila Clean-It Zero or a foaming facial cleanser), this finger peeling pad always grabs more dirt I’ve not managed to remove.
The sheetmask itself is very wet and full of jelly essence. Once you remove it from the packaging you’ll have plenty of leftover essence. I usually put it on my neck, chest, and shoulders for additional hydration. These masks are great because they hold really securely and you can actually feel the difference in hydration in the morning. These masks I’ll typically use after a big night out to revitalize my tired skin. My personal favourite is the Vitamin C for the mild, citrus and honey scent, but find what works for you!
Common Sheetmask Ingredients
Each sheetmask contains both AHA and BHA. Alpha hydroxy acid products containing lactic acid, tartaric acid, gluconolactone, or glycolic acid are typically applied to sun-damaged and wrinkled skin twice a day. AHAs and BHAs as exfoliants can really change the look and feel of skin for the better!
TWO STEP MASK with FINGER PAD FOR MILD PEELING: for the best effect, dead skin cells should be removed before applying any type of sheetmask. The GGULTAMIN Vitamin C Sheetmask is an all-in-one sheetmask containing a finger peeling pad, which effectively removes dead skin cells and any dirt left on your skin. Containing AHA and BHA the sheetmask delivers a mild peeling effect.
HONEY AND PROPOLIS: each sheetmask contains 33ml of essence with honey and propolis extracts for intense moisturisation. Honey is one of the best natural ingredients to provide and maintain moisture in your skin. Propolis contains Flavonoid, a natural anti-aging ingredient that helps to protect vitamin destruction.
GEL TYPE ESSENCE (33ML): thick jelly texture delivers active ingredients deeply into your skin without drying up. The generous amount of essence allows you to also use it for your face and neck.
Honey Mask GGULTAMIN (HONEY VITAMIN) B REAL JEL MASK 10 masks for $2799
by COMMON LABS
About the product
VITAMIN B: it contains Vitamin B5 to help stabilize the skin’s barrier, reducing the amount of water lost through the skin. Applying a provitamin B5 formulation to the skin will increase hydration and improve softness and elasticity for your skin.
LYOCELL SHEET: the GGULTAMIN sheetmask uses a natural Lyocell fiber mask that perfectly adheres to your skin. It provides extra softness and effective absorption of essence.
Honey Mask GGULTAMIN (HONEY VITAMIN) C REAL JEL MASK 10 masks for $2799
by COMMON LABS
About the product
VITAMIN C: the sheetmask contains Vitamin C complex to help brighten, boost collagen, and minimize fine lines and wrinkles.
CUPRA SHEET : GGULTAMIN sheetmask uses cupra mask that perfectly adheres to your skin with extra softness and effective absorption of essence.
XAIVITA Dr.
All XAIVITA Dr. sheetmasks have similar promises. They aim to help “to nourish and improve elasticity on the skin, which is tired from the external environment and” relieving “skin trouble and due to the soft adhesiveness of the sheet, it makes soft and fresh skin.” Whenever I get a new version of their 3-step sheetmask I’m wary of the strange ingredients. I suggest you try them laying down as these sheetmasks are super wet and drippy. Your skin will feel intensely hydrated almost immediately, so make sure to use this brand before bed so you can let the essence really get to work without obstacles like makeup!
Directions:
Ampoule: Using the toner after washing, take proper amount of the content and evenly put on whole face.
Lightly touch the face so that the content can be absorbed.
Mask: After cleansing, take out the sheet and apply it over your face. Remove the sheet after 10-20 minutes.
Cream: After the Mask, spread uniformly along skin’s texture and massage gently.
Gold Spider Anti-Wrinkle Cellulose Sheetmask
Fine Dust Protector-Soothing and Moisturizing. 8.88% Gold Spider secretion filtrate helps to nourish and improve elasticity on the skin, which can become tired from the external environment.
Horse Oil Premium Cellulose Mask
Fine Dust Protector-Moisturizing and Nutrition Supplying Horse oil. Premium secretion filtrate helps to nourish and improve elasticity on the skin, which is tired from the external environment. It relieves skin trouble and due to the soft adhesiveness of the sheet, it makes soft and fresh skin.
The blackhead sheetmask really does bring dirt and grime (blackheads and sebum) to the surface. I haven’t mastered the black stick quite yet, so I’ve been using a peel away mask instead. After that, I use the pore tightening serum which soothes skin quite well. The next day I find my sensitive skin on and around my nose is incredibly soft and the pores appear much smaller!
About the product
BLACKHEAD REMOVAL KIT: a complete kit including a black sheet, pore tightening serum, and black stick work to gently take care of blackheads and pores.
9 NATURAL EXTRACTS: ingredients from lemon balm, sage, witch hazel, mistletoe, peppermint, jack burdock, needle juniper, soapwort, and St. John’s wort work effectively to dissolve blackheads and sebum.
PORE TIGHTENING SERUM: consists of patented active ingredients to tighten pores and soothe skin, resulting in a silky smooth texture.
Go ahead, set up the bubble bath and pour yourself a glass of wine. These awesome Korean sheetmask options will have your skin silky smooth in no time! What are your favourite K-Beauty quick picks? Leave them in the comments so I can give them a try! While some items on this list were gifts from friends, former clients, and current partners, all reviews are honest and opinions are my own. Where to buy links are in pink however none of them are affiliate links.
I’ve always been a bit of a wash n’ wear kind of girl. The kind of girl who used to take her makeup off with just soap and water. I tried a day and night moisturizing combo back in 3rd year university. The cost-benefit analysis of it all became too much. In Canada, my options were high-end department store brands or questionable drug store brands. Why buy a daily AND a nightly moisturizer when they ultimately did the same thing, right? By the time I was 25, the only time I took care of my skin was when I was gifted product at a fashion show or marketing event. Before moving to Seoul, I think I had used a sheet mask once or twice in my life – including the time I had spent in Busan, South Korea! I definitely didn’t think I’d ever brand myself as a Korean Beauty Blogger.
The Insta – Korean Beauty Blogger
Nobody seems to have the time to do anything. I feel like I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life! Everything has to be fast and direct, which makes the new trend of “Insta-blogging” pretty simple and successful. I own and operate @TorontoSeoulcialite & TorontoSeoulcialite.com, but ThatGirlCartier was just my personal instagram until I bought this domain in December 2016. I always shared my life in Korea, but wanted to differentiate the two accounts further. An old friend suggested I become a Korean Beauty Blogger even though I hadn’t a clue about pH levels, ingredients, or benefits. Usually, sharing favourite products through insta-stories and snap chat stories is far more successful than posting a photo. Adding short reviews to my captions was, however, a great way to explore writing about Korean Beauty products. Cosmetics and Skin Care are more accessible in Korea than your next cup of coffee. The K-Beauty industry has a ton of opportunity, and competition.
Photo @ Ruby Plastic Surgery c/o @SkinfullofSeoul
The Accidental Korean Beauty Blogger Does Get Botox
Just over a year ago I braved needles for botox. Since then, I’ve managed the upkeep with significantly fewer shots (maybe 3 per eye?) at 6 or 7 month intervals. This means I’ve now had botox to reduce the significance of my crows’ feet three times. The second time I went, my doctor used a much, much smaller needle. I was prepared for agony, but there was actually hardly any pain. This past Thursday, my friends at Eunogo invited me to an information session and demonstration of fillers and botox as part of their Korean Beauty Blogger team. Before coming to Korea, I thought botox and fillers were just for frozen-faced Real Housewives. Now that I’ve had botox, I realize starting at almost 29 was pretty much the perfect time to prevent deeper creases. Was I judgmental at first? Sure. Having had botox doesn’t make a significant difference to my appearance, but it sure helps boost my confidence!
Photo: Robert Evans
What Other Treatments?
As an accidental Korean Beauty Blogger, I always get asked what treatments I’ve had done and what I would recommend. I am always honest about my experiences and would never recommend you go to a clinic just because they’ve invited me to try their services. The links that follow each have a partnership disclosure. I have not been paid for reviews. If you have any questions about any of the clinics I encourage you to leave a comment, contact me on Facebook, or shoot me an email (thetorontoseoulcialite@gmail.com)! I’ve had people in the past tell me they would die before getting a cosmetic enhancement (some by other Korean Beauty Blogger types!). I’ve had past boyfriends tell me that botox or cosmetic/ plastic surgery is just deception. I think in some ways it can be, but by getting botox I’m not getting a new face, I’ve simply maintaining the one I already have. Let’s keep in mind these are the men who told me wearing makeup was a lie. Please… the next time you see someone with naturally glittery gold eyelids I BEG you to give me a call! The following treatments have been in partnership.
VIP Plastic Surgery has created a proprietary line of skin care items including a sheet mask based on elements of this facial. The idea of using a cold ultrasound hammer for the facial is to “produce ultrasonic wave to adjust main and collateral channels and regulate blood circulation to flow circularly in order to reach the best status of the facial tissues.” It combines the effect of ultrasound capillaries with the skill of ancient massage therapy. “It could enhance immune function in lymphoid tissues so as to achieve vitality and flexibility of facial skin.” I’m not sure if the cold hammer did anything extra for me, but the various essences, ampoules, and creams involved made my skin feel incredibly soft and smooth!
Botox (Crows’ Feet and Forehead) – VIP Plastic Surgery Clinic c/o Seoul Cosmetic Surgery
My first botox experience was a little intense. They went WAY overboard on my forehead, and I was left with massive bruising and hard bump under one of my eyes. The second time I went in they used a way smaller needle and only a couple of shots for my crows’ feet. It was a lot easier and I was in and out quickly. The deep creases I had beside my eyes are completely gone and I feel like myself again!
I had tried the IPL Photofacial in Toronto and found it hurt quite a bit (read on for a similar experience with MVP Clinic). At VIP Plastic Surgery, my IPL didn’t hurt at all. The experience was very different as instead of using a device with a lazer to attack small parts of the dermis, the device felt was almost like getting your school picture taken. It didn’t hurt at all! Click the link to see my results.
Here are my before and after pictures from my experience at MH Clinic in Cheongdam. As you can see, my lip fillers weren’t huge, but I did get a defined cupid’s bow and a glossy, puffed up finish. It was such an easy process with Joy from Eunogo helping me every step of the way from filling out my paperwork to getting me into a taxi home! Getting lip fillers was really painful, but the results are definitely worth it!
I went through the process of becoming an actual human popsicle for an article in Groove Korea Magazine. For 30 minutes, the area which had been blown up for my appendectomy back in 2014 was frozen to – 9 degrees celsius. Within a few days I noticed a flatter lower stomach, but I’ll need to go back for 2 more appointments for the full effect. After the procedure, my skin felt like an actual popsicle. I definitely do not recommend you try touching it with your own hand until you’ve thawed as it was pretty frightening! Your nurses will massage the treated areas – let them finish and leave well alone!
Photo: Robert Evans
Photo: Robert Evans
Photo: Robert Evans
Photo: Robert Evans
Stem-Hydro Skinbooster/ IPL Photofacial – MVP Plastic Surgery
“Stem-Hydro Skinbooster Injections are a brand new approach to nourishing your skin, especially designed to deliver deep skin hydration. This means increasing hydration levels within the skin to deliver lasting moisturisation and improvements on the skin’s surface. Stem-Hydro Skinbooster involves multiple injections of a scientifically customized blend of hyaluronic acid (HA), Stem Cell, collagenstimulating vitamins, injected into the layer of skin just below the surface using a very fine needle.” – MVP Plastic Surgery
Photo: Robert Evans
For this treatment and the accompanying IPL they actually had me under sedation. That was terrifying to come out of. If you can avoid it, definitely opt for the pain/ numbing cream instead of going under. I woke up crying and then had some incredibly weird dreams. I really didn’t notice much of a difference until now. It’s been about 2 months (my treatment was and I was July 8th) told that I would see results 2 – 3 months after treatment. All of a sudden this weekend I noticed glowy skin, and my friends did too! I’m wondering if it’s this treatment, the use of some of my favourite new products (post coming soon!), or a combination. Either way, my skin is softer than ever…and even a little shiny!
Aroma Resfresh Care package (100 minutes). This package includes a basic facial accompanied by an aromatherapy body massage. The facial was anything but basic! It started with a soft, peeling cleansing. Then, was followed by an exfoliating, deep cleansing, bubbling facial. I got a face slimming massage, too, which included a decolletage massage. While this wasn’t cosmetic or plastic surgery, it was definitely an advanced facial that those considering a lift, botox, or fraxel could try first.
My experience at Ruby Plastic Surgery in the Sinsa area of Seoul, Korea was organized by Eunogo. Eunogo has 60 clinics and medical spas in Seoul. They offer 2 kinds of services: Concierge Service for Plastic Surgery and Eunogo Shops. Eunogo Shops enables a client to book trendy medical spa facials and treatments, while the concierge service is more comprehensive. There are over 1,800 plastic surgery clinics in Korea. Eunogo partners with a clinic based on rigorous testing pertaining to Safety, Expertise (they work with specialized clinics only. You won’t be going to a clinic for rhinoplasty if they specialize in breast augmentation, for example), Convenience (location, facility, and language support), and Patient Satisfaction. Eunogo and the clinics also offer a 1-year guarantee for all services.
Photo: Robert Evans
My experience at Ruby Plastic Surgery was very quick and easy. Dr. Hu had a very gentle, professional demeanor. He would give me and the other Korean Beauty Blogger quick notices by waiting a couple of 1-2 beats then on 3 he’d say “pain” and insert the needle. I’ve never had an experience whether it be taking an IV, having blood drawn, or getting botox that was so easy and painless! I would definitely recommend getting your botox injections or fillers (lip or facial) by Dr. Hu at Ruby Plastic Surgery.
What’s Next for this Korean Beauty Blogger?
Being open to trying out new procedures (especially ones with needles LOL) has enabled me to become a trusted source for expats and medical tourists in Korea. I probably would have never tried any sort of botox or filler before coming to Korea (or had it not been in partnership), but I’m so glad I did. Looking in the mirror and feeling like an old lady at 28 was a horrible feeling. Now that I’m officially 30, I think I’ll definitely be investing in my botox upkeep once I move back to Toronto in 6 months. By then I’ll no longer be an accidental Korean Beauty Blogger, but I do hope to continue to bring you the latest and greatest technology and advancements in Skin Care and Cosmetic Surgery wherever I end up. What next? Well, look to my Korean Beauty Blogger pals @SkinfullofSeoul and @OhMyGloss above for a hint!
There may not be a sport as closely tied to fashion as tennis. Okay, so NBA basketball players have gotten some attention of late for some incredibly eccentric looks, and that’s fun. But professional tennis players, particularly on the women’s side, often show off looks that people will actually want to imitate. Sometimes they do it through the athletic wear they bring to the courts, and sometimes they show up looking effortlessly glamorous at side events, or even in interviews following their matches. Fashion is something a lot of WTA tennis players take pride in, and with the U.S. Open now underway we thought we’d highlight some of the icons in the sport.
Truth be told, even if sports aren’t your thing this tournament is worth keeping one eye on. Particularly during the evening matches, A-list celebrities have been known to show up looking their best. It’s a good event at which to follow styles. But, we digress. Here are a few of the leading ladies of tennis you may want to watch for if you decide to tune in during the two weeks of Open action.
Maria Sharapova
Arguably the biggest fashion icon in tennis, Sharapova has been absent from her sport for a while due to a suspension. But she’s back, and is actually being given a decent chance to win by the oddsmakers. No matter how she does on the courts however, Sharapova is one to watch for fashion. She tends to go with fairly simple athletic looks, but is known for making more of a statement at appearances beyond them. Whether it’s jumping in on last summer’s gladiator sandal trend or sporting tasteful but elegant dresses in the fall, she’s just one of those celebrity figures who always looks her best. Her wardrobe tends to be terrific inspiration.
Venus Williams
Venus and her little sister Serena both get a lot of attention for their fashion, both on and off the court. In fact not long ago Venus was even the focus of an article on October fashions hitting the court. She’s often in the spotlight for her look, though it should be noted that she’s pretty unpredictable in this regard. She certainly likes to experiment, often with bold color patterns and sometimes even with creative touches like unexpected shoes or dyed hair. Venus is a wildcard, but there’s often something kind of brilliant about what she comes up with, so keep an eye on her as well.
Caroline Wozniacki
Wozniacki is somewhat like Sharapova in that she seems to be effortlessly fashionable. Just this summer, she wore a designer dress sponsored by Adidas while competing at Wimbledon, which should give you an idea of her general fashion-forward attitude. Wozniacki also happens to be one of the WTA’s more accessible players when she’s not competing. She always seems to be up for an interview and is always friendly, smiling, and in style. You may well get a good look at her wearing something besides her tennis dress if you tune in for the Open, as she’s one of the likelier candidates to make it to a TV desk for an interview.
It’s hit or miss as far as what you’ll see these women wearing during the tournament. But they’re all wonderful to watch, and if you like taking your inspiration from athletes or celebrities anyway, you might consider doing a bit of research on their respective fashion backgrounds. You may just land on some interesting ideas!
The notions of “ghosting” (going out with someone then dropping off the face of the Earth completely) or “bread-crumbing” (dropping short messages here and there to keep the other person around, but not a priority) are common, especially for expats. In the interest of keeping current on the trends explaining outside elements of my tormented love life, I read an article about a toxic dating trend. “8 signs you’re being “love bombed” – it might be the most toxic dating trend yet“.
Photographer: Ryan Franco
The concept of love bombs is one I’ve seen particularly frequently in Korea. The gist is that you meet a partner and it’s an explosion of feelings, but also commitments one or both parties have no intention of keeping. You have what you think are open and honest conversations about your emotions, about your goals, about the future. You travel together, meet your partner’s family, buy one another lavish gifts. In the blink of an eye, it’s over and done. Love Bombs. And what’s cuffing season? “Cuffing season is that period of time between fall and the dead of winter when people start looking for someone they can spend those long, frigid months with,” -Sameera Sullivan.
Photographer: Brodie Vissers
Expat Love Bombs
I can’t speak for expats in other countries, but I would venture to guess our issues of loneliness are all pretty similar. We leave our families and (for most of us) our friends and support systems back home. While social groups in Korea form quickly, they’re often made up of people with whom we’d probably never be friends back home. Romantic relationships are different. Expats often have “light-hearted” trysts, but once a connection is made, exclusive relationships are locked down very quickly. Everything is intensified when you feel instantly loved and cared for. I think most of us crave that adrenaline rush of passion. Unfortunately you can’t call a house a home without a little work, time, and attention. Most of us are only contributing one of the three in a new relationship while living abroad.
Photographer: Christopher Campbell
My Last Love Bombs
My last two serious (albeit short-lived) relationships were definitely love bombs. I knew right from the start that these should be enjoyable little flings and that I shouldn’t invest my time or emotions too much. In Thailand, H dropped everything, flew with me from Phuket to Chiang Mai, and started making comments about ring shopping and spending the remainder of our vacation pretending we were engaged.
Photographer: Tim Gouw
Ex-Co-P was quick to start calling me his “Seoulmate”. He would call my apartment “Our City House” and his room on base “Our Country Home”. He shared what was his eagerly by bringing me goodie bags of things he thought I wouldn’t be able to buy (off post) in Korea. I was still getting over my last love bomb where the ye-olde-Adonis, H, actually gave up Bali to move into my shitty little studio apartment in Sincheon. I could see through Ex-Co-P’s bullshit immediately, but I chose to ignore it because he did all the things that H stubbornly refused to do.
Photographer: William Stitt
Blind Beyond the Art of Seduction
On our 3rd date (coincidentally the 3rd day after we finally met in person), he snapped a selfie of us to post on Facebook calling me his KECH (a play on my initials). He asked me to be exclusive about an hour later. FINALLY! Finally I had someone who wasn’t afraid to show off to the world that he liked me. I didn’t need any of the expensive gifts he had brought me on our first few dates. All I needed was someone who wanted to be close to me. That was my version of having a guy jump up and down on a couch on Oprah. Finally someone wasn’t ashamedwas proud to be with me. Everything seemed different. He even put together an outfit to accompany me to Seoul Fashion Week. He invited his family and friends into our life together. Sparks flew.
Photographer: Priscilla Westra
Within weeks he was asking me my plans for the future (immediately by piggy-backing onto my Taipei and Tokyo trips), telling me his goals and dreams, and asking how we could fit into one another’s lives moving forward. He used to joke about me moving in with him on the base, but there was an underlying truth and neediness to it all. He made me actually want to have an easy life in the boonies running track on Sunday mornings, meal-prepping for the week in the afternoon, and cozying up with a movie Sunday nights. It seemed so simple. I couldn’t hear the tick-tock of the bomb because it had already detonated. Our simple, little, careless, time-sensitive relationship had immediately broken its contract and gone off the rails the moment I said “yes” to being his girlfriend.
Photographer: Mitchell Hollander
Man-ipulation & Subconscious Un-Coupling
I can’t pinpoint the moment it all changed. In hindsight I think he continued to slowly chip away at my confidence by maintaining past drama. Ex-Co-P loved to drudge up his past relationships. He continuously brought up the issues he created for me in the workplace. He would perpetuate drama by inserting himself in issues I had had to rectify on his behalf that were having an effect on my life. I felt inadequate at work and at home.
Photographer: Snufkin
After our one, and only, major argument, I coughed all night. The next day he demanded we run 6 km (round-trip) up and down Namsan Tower. He knew full well that I was a sprinter working on endurance and had a bad cough. He was testing me and patronizing me. It was clear that he was looking for a fight. When we got to the base of Namsan Tower, he asked me was if I wanted to go find his “Pont-des-Arts”-style love lock from two girlfriends ago. This was the girlfriend who was still friends with some of my friends. She even lived in the area of town I desperately missed. Had I not been dating this loser, we’d probably be friends.
Photographer: Tohm Brigitte
“Cuffing Season” is Bullshit
I wrote the 7 Worst Guys an Expat can Date nearly a year ago. Hundreds of comments came pouring in. Many said I sounded like a jaded woman scorned. I think most of those qualities identified in the article still hold true. Elements of each character can be found in both men and women. As a cisgendered, straight woman, I write about my own personal experiences. The list is not comprehensive. Let’s say I wrote about the “7 Treasures Every Expat Woman Should Seek Out”. You better bet your bottom dollar there would be no more use for this site at all. You see, if I was any good at taking my own advice, ThatGirlCartier would cease to exist. My Grandmother was RAF and my Grandfather was RCAF. It’s like I walk around with a giant AF magnet on my heart and “US AIR FORCE” tattooed across my forehead. Am I supposed to avoid every Military Man I meet? Who knows – you already know I can’t follow my own advice!
Right now I’m talking to several men. I’m actually just dating and getting to know them on a personal, platonic level. No more intense situations right off the bat. No more instances of watching him pull the pin, drop the grenade and run away. Certainly no more “fuckboys in sheep’s clothing” (as so aptly a fellow Seoul Blogger described Ex-Co-P). I met H in August and Ex-Co-P at the beginning of March. Cuffing season is clearly not limited to the dark, cold, lonely, winter months…especially when it comes to sociopaths “love-bombs”. When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them the first time. Don’t let love bombs’ smoke get in your eyes.
This week, I prepare to bid farewell to my roaries twenties and celebrate entry into the dirty thirty club. This year in particular (29) has been pretty magnificent, but it hasn’t been withoutheartacheanddisappointment.People keep bringing up this idea of Saturn Return. “The longer, more elaborate version: This is the astrological period of our life when the planet Saturn completes its orbit around the Sun, coinciding with the time of our birth. It happens every 29.5 years, so if you have skated by in your late 20s, this period could get you in your late 50s.” Is this where the No Doubt album name originated? Gwen Stefani was 30 or 31 when it was released. I was obsessed with these tracks. I was 13 when Return of Saturn was released, but the lyrics seem more relevant now than ever!
I don’t hold steadfast and true to astrology, but one can find poetry and life lessons in just about anything. The idea that I should learn something from the craziness of my twenties is certainly not lost on me. While I’ve been a teacher in Korea, life in Seoul in Busan has thrown me some curveballs. I’d like to share what teaching and living in Korea has taught me in an elementary kind of way. Here are a few Dr. Seuss memes to, pardon the pun, bring it all full circle.
I’ve Learned to Love My Body
Being naked isn’t a crime. Ajummas (the old gals) at jimjilbangs (bath houses/ spas) strut around, full bush and fupas out with pride. They don’t give a rat’s ass about my curvy stomach and hips or my prickly legs. I’ve worked hard to drop the weightI gained after joining the workforce and quitting my varsity days. Now I’m in the maintenance stage which means I really have to dedicate quite a bit of time and energy to not balloon again. I have to nourish my body even if that means being a hunter for protein and veggies at my own grocery store. Now that I’m mere days away from 30, I know I’m never going to be perfect. Getting a luxurious facial or massage is allowed and should damn well be in the budget. If I want to get botox or lip injections then that’s my own personal choice. Through fitness, nutrition, a Korean skin care regime, and time to treat myself I aim to strike a balance. I strive to be a better me than yesterday.
What the Fuck is this Shit?
Sometimes you’re just not going to have a damn clue what’s on your plate, written on a kid’s test, or walking down a runway. Just learn to roll with it. There’s no point in getting up in arms over something you don’t understand. Culturally – take some time to do some research if you’re even feigning an interest. If you’re living in or even just visiting another country, their customs will likely be foreign to you. Try to figure ’em out. If it’s just some otherexpat prick leaving you scratching your head – dealbreaker. Move the fuck along.
Tough Memories
Is dating shitty guys all part of Saturn Return? Looking back on Taipei and Tokyo suuuuuucks. I remember the amazing moments we shared and the distances we traveled together. I try to see the silver lining in it all, but it’s not easy especially when I’m pinpointing the exact moments in Tokyo when he was texting his…less than reputable woman. The best I can do is reflect on the good times and, instead of looking for negatives, think of learning opportunities for the future. I got to feel the bliss of romance in Taiwan and Japan. That’s pretty rad.
Ghosting
A decent person will respond when txted, messaged, or called. Don’t give out your phone number if you have no intention of ever seeing the person again. If you’ve had interactions you don’t want to continue, find a nice way to tell the person. It’s one thing to have a friendship or dating situation fizzle out, but hiding behind technology is so cowardly.
No Fucks Left
Guys, I’m 30. I’m exhausted. This isn’t my first rodeo. If you’re a flakey friend or a douchey date I’m over it. I have zero fucks (red, blue or otherwise) left to give. Sorry if that offends you, but I’m just outta chances to hand out.
If he’s not giving me what I need, I should just move on.
I’m not going to change him. If he wants to become a better version of himself he will. If I can help…great!
Change yourself for yourself. Never change for him.
On the Subject of Impact
Sometimes it’s hard to be a lifestyle blogger with a major focus on dating. The impact of constantly trying to put myself out there has definitely taken a toll. Of course I believe in love and want to find the right companion…for me. The whole idea that I have to work on myself by myself is a little ridiculous, in my opinion. My gal pals keep telling me to stay single and work on myself. I think that’s a load of hooey. I’m definitely a more organized and productive person when in a relationship. I’m a busy person and I really have to carve out time to spend it with the people I like. “Love yourself first” is an over-used phrase. I love myself just fine, thank-you very much. Why is it that the last three men who have tossed those three little words my way suddenly run in the opposite direction when I finally return their affection and say them back? I say “I love you” to my friends constantly. There are plenty of poetic ways to speak and show your affection. By the time I return home I’ll have no partner and no job. Will I have prospects? Who knows…but it’s terrifying to look into the unknown. Hopefully “terrifying” will be spun as “exhilirating” sometime soon.
Most People Are Cunts
This, ladies and gentlemen, is truer than true. While there are some great, salt of the Earth human beings out there, most people are only looking out for #1. I’ve seen countless men and women be treated like absolute shit because they’re just an option and not a priority. So much time is wasted because people are shitty to people. We like to hurt one-another. Plus, let’s talk bloggers. I’ve encountered some amazing, supportive women in Korea. Most people think that expat/ travel/ beauty/ foodie bloggers are all in competition. That’s not true at all. If you look through any of my posts here or on The Toronto Seoulcialite you’ll find I try to take any opportunity to link to the supporters in the community. That said, there are some real assholes around. I don’t know how I’ve been unable to identify the patterns. I want to give everyone a fair chance, but it’s exhausting when people want a piece of you for a free hotel stay or meal. Boys and girls, there’s no such thing as a free meal. If I’m working in contra with a brand there’s a multi-faceted marketing plan to go along with a post. You don’t just get to share 1 sly pic on instagram and live a life of luxury. There’s plenty of work to share around. Stop being cunts and just support one-another, dammit.
The Internet
Can people on the internet just stop and realise that bloggers are people too? The number of degrading comments and threats I’ve received for discussing fluffed up dating scenarios is insane. You can’t take anything some angry troll with a firewall security blanket says seriously. This one is still something with which I struggle, as these people know exactly who I am (and often where to find me), but they’re safely behind fake profiles with stolen profile pictures (or none at all). I love to get helpful suggestions from readers. They’re few and far between, so if you’ve got something then please go ahead and e-mail me or leave it in the comments. Recently a faceless Korean instagrammer told me to start YouTube as my lengthy posts aren’t always the easiest to understand. That was a great suggestion! Telling me to go back to Canada because I’m clearly someone who couldn’t get a job back home? Not so helpful. Ps. I was the Director of Sales and Marketing for a group of companies back in Toronto. I took a major pay cut to come to Korea and don’t regret it for a second.
Stand Out
In the Apgujeong area of Seoul, Korea, there are so many versions of the same face it’s scary. I don’t want to look like anyone else. I want to feel authentic. I don’t, however, need to have my natural hair colour or bags under my eyes to feel authentic. If someone is telling me I look tired and should ‘take a rest’, maybe I am tired and should slow down. Having blonde hair in Korea constantly means I stand out. Will I keep it back in Canada? Who knows! I definitely feel more like myself as a blonde (having gone back to the dark sideearlier this year). I enjoy the liberties Koreans take with style. Some of the conventions are a little weird (the shortest skirts, most conservative tops, and most heinous shoes). I hope I can feel free enough to stand out with my own personal style when I go back to Toronto.
Those Who Matter Don’t Mind
I don’t think in 30 years I’ve had a birthday as amazing as this one. The most important people showed up and completely showered me with love (and food – the true way to my heart and Seoul). Having all of those people in one room was overwhelming, hysterical, and incredibly fun. I’m amazed and humbled that I can be the brassy, unapologetically honest, wild, and sensitive person I am with the people I have met in Korea. We’re never gunna survive unless we get a little crazy, but I know mine can be a lot to handle. Thank you for showing me all kinds of crazy love. My Saturn Return feels like a positive renaissance. Here’s to the next 30. Peace out, Saturn.
Everything ends, but some things don’t even get a chance at a proper start. Grown men need to learn to communicate rather than “ghosting”. This is the story of my devilishly handsome, mysterious, and insanely cowardly rebound.
I recently went out with a man who I thought was interested in dating casually. As I was fresh out of a relationship, I figured he planned on getting to know me over time. It’s also fair to assume that he was seeing other women throughout the first month of what I’ll call our “courtship”. Tinder is like window shopping, and I had a brand new account. We saw eachother 4 times that first week, which was a little intense for me. It was also pretty similar to my last relationship. Co-P was in a new Facebook relationship a mere 11 days after he and I split. That’s such a shady look. Perhaps he shouldn’t have cheated if he knew he’d get so butthurt about our break-up. I wasn’t in a place where I felt I needed to “win” the break-up. I want to wait until I actually know someone before determining I’ll be spending my valuable time with him alone.
So, rebound and I had some really nice dates. We went to some of my favourite spots in Itaewon as he was new to the city. A friend of mine came along on date #1 (what I call an “audition”), and his boss met up with us later that day. He joined me for a restaurant review and asked that we spend the next night “just us”. He held my hand in public and let other males around us know through physical cues that he was the alpha and I wasn’t going to entertain their advances. By date #3 he told me he didn’t want this to just be a fling. After that, I started to get the silent treatment. He’d go incommunicado for days, then blow up my phone with cute selfies and videos. We both left Seoul for the long weekend, but were in touch the whole time.
Photographer: Matheus Ferrero
When he got back home, he called me via video chat. He cracked a joke at one point, so I laughed. He told me that’s all he ever wanted. All he wanted was just to make me laugh and smile. The line was delivered with such innocence and fluidity I almost believed it. I rolled my eyes and that’s when he said the one thing that surprised me.
“You’re so cool. You play it so cool.”
“What?”
“Yeah, you act like you don’t care. I care.”
“I’m confused. You’re the cool one in this situation. I’m just trying to keep up.”
My bullshit-o-dometer was whizzing out of control. That’s when he told me he had the next 10 years of his life planned out. Where was I going to fit in? It’s nice to have a casual, physical relationship, but what were we and what happens next? What about the “dot…dot…dot…”? After I told him it was a little early to be having this conversation, I suggested getting together on the weekend. He agreed, with the caveat that now (after nearly a month of knowing one-another) was the perfect time for this serious discussion. After that? Radio silence…was he seriously ghosting me after trying to lock it down on freaking FaceTime?
Photographer: Jacob Ufkes
Gentlemen, you know exactly what kind of shitty human being you are when you consciously decide not to pick up calls or respond to messages. Nobody is too busy to make plans with someone they like. When a man is interested in a woman, he’ll move Heaven, Earth, a board meeting or a boys night to see her. When you’re ghosting, you’re avoiding responsibility because you’re too chicken shit to have an actual adult conversation. Everyone gets anxious when it comes to potential confrontation. You owe it to the other person to provide a proper conclusion. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: to get what you want you have to communicate.
Ladies, here are some of the reasons why he’s ghosting you:
He’s Not Looking For Commitment
This guy will flip his shit at the simplest “how was your day?” text. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for a serious relationship or casual tail. He wants no strings attached and assumes you’re hunting for a ring. Drop the dud and play the field. He’s not worth your time.
There’s Another Woman
I always say that Tinder is like window shopping. Men can certainly make the most of a shitty situation. In fact, a lot of guys I know actually exclusively Tind while on the can. If you’re dating someone actively perusing your replacement, he’s a turd. Don’t let yourself circle the drain with this one.
You’re the Other Woman
I met this wonderful man last year who really wanted to take things slow and get to know me. We went on some fantastic dates and I felt like we really started to make a connection. Then, he started acting weird and before I knew it – he was ghosting. It turns out his ex fiance was getting married and he just wasn’t quite over it all. It didn’t matter that their relationship was over. He wasn’t ready to make an emotional investment that might end with similar feelings. This one actually came back and we were able to talk it out. Eventually, we even became friends.
He’s Just Not That Into You
It sucks to hear, but the old Sex and the City adage is real. He doesn’t see this going anywhere and doesn’t wanted to get sucked into an emotional conversation where he’ll have to explain why. He doesn’t even respect you enough to have the common decency to tell you he doesn’t want to see you. Start swiping.
You’re an Option, Not a Priority
He wants to keep you around in case he needs an emotional relationship or a late night booty call down the line. Unfriend. Unfollow. Block if you must. Move the hell along.
Dating is tough. Expat dating is often tougher. When it comes down to it, we all want to feel important and cared for. Nobody wants to feel tossed aside. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t willfully neglect another human. Be kind, be gentle, and stop ghosting. I can guarantee that a reasonable person will respond much better (and likely stop responding altogether) if you tell him or her in a nice way that you don’t want to proceed. The calling, the texting, the passive aggressive social media posts (and lurks) will all vanish – and you won’t have to. If you want to alleviate guilt and avoid confrontational/ emotional conversations be clear. Stop ghosting.
Co-P and I started having the inevitable (inevitable because he’s leaving Korea, not because he’s a cheater) break-up talk. It would have been fine had it not been in Haneda airport 6 hours before our flight. A few days later our fast, serious, fleeting, expat dating romance was over. Little did I know then, he was already seeing (and sleeping with) someone else. The confidence I had in our direct, communicative relationship was an absolute lie, and I feel pretty stupid having trusted him. Because of the exciting, dramatic, androcky way our relationship began, I felt like most of the time we were playing relationship chicken. I had several trips lined up before meeting him. He said he wanted to come, and without too many jokes or dares he booked flights. I should have taken my own advice…
Photographer: Alexandre Vanier
Looking back on our relationship (as shortlived as it was) I have a number of thoughts and feelings. We are completely different people with a few key common interests (fitness, food, and expat dating, it seems). Ultimately, we weren’t compatible romantically or with our timing. He tried to limit me to 2 tourist attractions per day on our travels. He wanted a 10 PM bedtime. I wanted to soak up everything (including the nightlife) in a new city. He followed the rules. I wanted to renegotiate them. There were so many times when I felt I couldn’t be as wild and outlandish as I wanted to be. In some respects, that’s a really good thing. Co-P pushed me to be the healthiest and strongest person physically I could be. I was well-rested, too. Ultimately, I got bored. I think he did, too.
Photographer: Inge Wallumrod
As much as I’m content with my life without him as my boyfriend, there are still moments that give me pause. I miss having him as the friend I thought he was. There are a lot of lessons that can be learned from every relationship, and expat dating is no different. Take a look and see what you can extrapolate from every interaction. Here’s what I’ve learned…
Photographer: Austin Call
Expat Dating Don’ts
Don’t have your first few dates at favourite spots in your neighbourhood. You’ll hate yourself going back to a memory you made together there every time you pass them.
Don’t invest yourself too much in the beginning…or really ever. It’s important to keep a balance and your own social life. Don’t be one of those people who gives up on your single friends when you’re coupled up.
Don’t ignore the majority of your friends saying bad things about him. Especially don’t alienate them in favour of the ones who speak kindly.
Don’t ignore his ex gfs if they reach out to you. There’s a reason they sound crazy. That reason is probably that he hurt them something fierce.
Don’t let things move too quickly. If he’s asking you to be exclusive on the third day you’ve met, maybe there’s another issue. Pump the breaks if things are heating up a little faster than anticipated. It might be exciting to jump into a new relationship, but you also might be left with the feeling that you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. He might have self-esteem issues, be self-indulgent, or just want to stir up drama. Co-P posted about his new girlfriend the day before a trip we planned together. (Super nice way to let me know you cheated, by the way…). Expat dating is tough!
Don’t get hung up on past heartaches. There’s a reason he’s not the one with you on this date! Focus on this new person who wants to spend time getting to know you!
Photographer: Christiana Rivers
Expat Dating: Break-Up Do’s
Do let yourself have a mourning period. Maybe you haven’t lost the love of your life, but you’re losing out on someone who has made an impact on it. You’ll be ready when you’re ready.
Do: It doesn’t matter if your mourning period is short. If you are ready to get back out there then do it!
Do: Say YES. If you get an interesting invitation then say yes! Surprise yourself with new hobbies and activities.
Do: Meet new people! It doesn’t matter if you want to get out on the dating scene right away or not, new people = new perspectives. Isn’t learning what we’re born to do?
Do: Widen your net. Meet people (new friends and prospects) you might not normally go for. Everyone thinks they have a “type”. If yours hasn’t been working for you, try something else! Whether you’re an expat dating or just meeting new pals, there are plenty of us in a concentrated environment. Go forth an experience new things!
Do: Look out for #1. Take care of yourself first. Don’t overextend yourself for someone who won’t go out of his or her way for you.
Photographer: Christiana Rivers
I’m not looking for the stars and the moon in another human. I’m looking for a travel companion, good conversationalist, work-out buddy, party pal, and all around life partner. I’m looking for someone who won’t deliberately hurt me (or put me at risk) because he’s started to stray. Neptune has 13 moons. Uranus has 27 (and they’re outta this world, girlfriend). Our very own galaxy is full of stars and moons. If you’re an expat in Korea like me, you’ve likely circled the globe at least once or twice. He (or she) is out there, but you’ve gotta make it through the Star Wars first.
