Tag: Lifestyle

Candidly Cartier – Hit Back: Be Your Own Best Boss

 

dark room light people woman kicking film Big Hit Kickboxing Studios That Girl Cartier ThatGirlCartier Fitness Toronto
Photographer: Andrew Branch

Kicking My Own Ass Back to Sanity

Buckle your seat belts and take out your chips and salsa, ’cause it’s about to get real cheesy up in hurr.  If you follow The Toronto Seoulcialite (my other “less sarcastic” blog), you’ll have read about my issues finding a job, finding a man, and finding my figure through the mess of moving back to Canada.  I’ve finally found something which  could be the makings of a career, and a date with myself 3 times a week which gives me structure and an outlet.  Coming back home is like picking up an old, ear-marked book.  The characters are the same and the setting hasn’t changed, but you’re still not exactly sure what will happen to the protagonist next.

girl woman fitness workout gym muscles people back health athlete
Photographer: Scott Webb

Someone Else’s Story

My biggest fear returning to Toronto was that I would be reliving the same old story.  While I was away, several of my friends partnered up, a couple had kids, many got promotions, some went back to school, and my nightmare boss was finally arrested.  Beyond that?  A lot of the people I’ve left are ear-marked – frozen in time right where I left them doing the same old things and just banging their heads against the wall calling it happiness.  I knew I wasn’t happy back in 2014 when I made the decision to begin the arduous application (okay – it was long, but not that tough) to move to Korea.  I couldn’t come home and return to old habits.

Big Hit Kickboxing Studios Toronto girl woman ropes fitness working out exercise health muscles gym people crossfit strength training athlete
Photographer Scott Webb

Die Hard: With a Vengeance

Old habits die hard.  I ended up moving back to Queen St. West and was working in the events industry when, at last, I found work.  Getting into a rhythm took time, and my physical and emotional health took a hit.  I decided to hit back.  I bought myself a 2 week unlimited introductory pass at Big Hit Kickboxing Studios.  At that time, I was living with a disrespectful roommate who was a neglectful pet owner.  I had no autonomy in my own life.  Looking back, I think that I was committed to my 2 week membership, but not so much to myself.

american beverage blazer blond business businesswoman cafe call calling casual caucasian ceo cheerful coffee coffee cup coffee shop communication connection cup digital device drink european female formal mobile phone mug

Be Your Own Boss (Without Working for Yourself)

I once read that you should treat yourself like the CEO of your own life, and that fitness was a meeting you set with your employees.  Good bosses don’t reschedule again and again.  I wasn’t managing my life properly, nor was I being a good boss to my mental and physical health.  At this point I needed to hit back, but not just for 2 weeks.  Big Hit Kickboxing Studios in Toronto has given me the schedule I need to succeed.

american blond boss business businesswoman cafe caucasian coffee coffee cup coffee shop development discussing discussion drinking european female formal management manager marketing mature meeting mobile phone morning notebook

Be a Good Boss

Proper preparation prevents poor performance.  I’ve set meetings with my very important sanity at least 3 times a week, which is honestly pretty manageable!  After work on weekdays I leave the office between 5 PM and 5:30 PM (I know – my job offers work/ life balance <3) and walk for about 35 – 40 minutes from the office to Big Hit Kickboxing Queen West.  The walk enables me to just zone out and enjoy constant, steady movement while listening to music.  The workout to follow is full of different combinations which challenge my mind and various muscle groups.  Over the next 3 months I’ll be sharing my highs, lows, pounds, and measurements.  Stay tuned for preparation and progress, not perfection.

yoga pose stretch health fitness working out bikini beach sand sunshine summer ocean sea waves water shore girl woman people beauty
Photographer: Aral Tasher

Naked Back-flips

Since getting back on a regular schedule with Big Hit Kickboxing Studios, I haven’t actually lost any weight, but the rest of my body and my life has changed pretty drastically.  My clothes have started to feel different – better.  I don’t crave sweets like I did throughout my unsettled period between my old job and old apartment and now.  I have been on several dates with not one, not two, but 3 different men who actually want to see me again.

When you start physical activity with dedication, dedication spreads throughout your life in different ways.  My posture exudes confidence rather than that fear of failure with which I started.  I’m back to caring about a connection rather than having a fear that I won’t be liked (word to the wise – fear of someone not liking you crushes a connection right off the start).  I don’t really have time for people who aren’t adding to my life in a positive way, so when I make time to see my friends we’re connecting on a much deeper and more enjoyable level.  I also always seem to come back to that old adage: “You can do naked back-flips across his lawn, but if you’re not the one he wants, honey, you’re just not the one he wants”.

people girl boxing gloves fitness exercise work out woman athlete Big Hit Kickboxing Toronto ThatGirlCartier That Girl Cartier
Photographer: Matheus Ferrero

 

Strength, determination, and hope fill the pages of my novel.  I know what comes next in that old, worn out, dog-eared story because I’m writing it now.
Hot for Teacher Repatriation Dating Diaries That Girl Cartier 1 Apple Books classroom

Repatriation Dating Diaries: Cartier’s Hot for Teacher

Hot for Teacher Repatriation Dating Diaries That Girl Cartier couple rowing boat woman girl man boy rowing boat oars water river lake romantic love valentine's day
Photographer: Josh Willink

Up in the Air – Not Exactly Dating on Cloud 9

Settling back into life in Toronto hasn’t gone exactly as planned.  My career didn’t quite get off the ground the way I expected.  I just settled into a condo downtown and now have to move.  Everything’s just a little bit up in the air right now.  Dating is no exception.  Everyone at the bar is swiping left or right while in a perfectly lovely meet market.  Tinder is for hook-ups.  Bumble is allegedly for “serious dating” (sure).  Meeting people through buttoned up/ tied-down friends is nearly impossible.  I’ve now been on dates with a commitment-phobe real estate developer, a self-obsessed rocker, an UBER driver (yes – he drove me home and then we went out), a blogger who recently carbon-copied my latest post on The Toronto Seoulcialite, and a Tinder I had been out with 4 years ago.  The conversation barely changed and he definitely didn’t clue in.  Dating is depressing.  Oh – and I went out with my old calculus teacher.

art background card close up colorful concepts creativity cube dice gambling game isolated lay flat maths micro object orange paper pastel pink three top view toy white yellow

Hot for Teacher – Dating isn’t Calculus, it’s Chemistry

When you were in high school, did you ever have a crush on a teacher?  How about that hottie who wasn’t much older, but just enough that the difference in age/ power balance would have been inappropriate?  Imagine my surprise when the Facebook algorithm encouraged me to reconnect with my old calculus teacher 14 years my senior.  I can’t imagine he’ll mind my writing about this.  The probability of us meeting as we did was low, and the probability we’ll ever meet again is practically non-existent.  He was my teacher for all of 3 weeks (and change) and we bumped into one another locally and in Kingston for all of 3 minutes each time.  This round, after a lovely date, a hesitant goodnight kiss, and a few text exchanges promising to see one another again, it only took him about 3 days to ghost.  Dating isn’t algorithms or equations, it all comes down to chemistry and the space-time continuum.

Hot for Teacher Repatriation Dating Diaries swimming pool blue water wooden people girl woman reading book relax travel vacation
Photographer: Angello Lopez

Dating Derivatives

While it would be lovely to meet someone who had the raw, passionate, primal masculinity of Adonis, or the “jamais seul” nature of ex-Co-P, it’s summer.  Dating in Toronto doesn’t really ever seem to be clear or direct – just derivative of our parents’ and grand-parents’ generations.  In the summer it’s the least likely time for any of that to change.  Our diluted and deluded perspectives of responsibility to one another make me believe that I’ll always be house-hurt from carrying the weight of rent completely alone.  Owning at all is a pipe-dream.  White picket fences are a thing of the past.  There’s plenty I’m tempted to try.  Did I learn anything from scratching off this bucket-list item?  Not really.  Just that I think I’ll keep my interests outside of the classroom.

Exes & Oh No’s: An Expat’s Guide to Ladies’ Sick Sense

expat dating diaries laptop apple macbook computer browser research study school business work desk people woman girl homebase coffee break table dark
Photographer: Matthew Henry

Creepy Communication

We all do it.  Social Media makes it easier than ever to look up how our loved ones past and present are doing.  Are they living their best lives?  How happy are they?  It seems when I’ve finally met someone new, the ghosts of lost loves past have their interests piqued.  When I started dating my most recent ex, it breathed life into a few poltergeists.  The man I’ll probably always consider to be the first great love of my life reached out.  He said everything that I had needed and so desperately craved hearing, albeit all a little too late.  I was honest about our communication with my new partner, and he was honest (well…to a point) about his.  When I was living with the Adonis, he would call his ex while I was at work.  What did I care if they spoke?  They dated for 7 years – she was a huge part of his life and he was important to her.  She was also roughly 9,000 km away.  How much harm could she really do from that great a distance?  I think I’d be more worried if he wasn’t interested in her well-being and didn’t want to maintain mutual respect.

people girl alone dark night light lamp black and white creepy expat dating diaries
Photographer: Ant Rozetsky

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

In a new relationship, it’s tempting to look back on your partner’s old ones.  Are you part of a trend or are you different, special – an outlier?  Are you far enough outside the particular set of previous patterns and failures to stand the test of time?  A jealous, pissed off, or threatened woman does better research than the FBI, CIA and Secret Service combined.  When in a budding relationship I was contacted by my (then new) boyfriend’s ex stating that he had cheated on the previous two.  She told me I was becoming a symptom of a much bigger problem.  I, of course, dismissed it at the time.  He told me just enough to make it seem like we had an open and honest relationship.  I was completely transparent.  When his pattern reemerged several months later, you had better bet I quickly learned about RSS feeds, source, input, and the ease of info gathering online.  I did it because I sensed a problem.  I had an underlying insecurity about the state of our relationship.  I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and unfortunately got more than I bargained for.

people couple man woman bride groom wedding ceremony celebration love marriage reception
Photographer: Allef Vinicius

Poking Holes in More Than Just the Story

What about the longstanding current girlfriend, fiance, or even wife, though?  I mean, she’s already won.  What use is it to look back on something which ended so very long ago?  On one hand, I can see that she means no harm.  She’s just curious about our history together.  How far down the line is it normal or healthy to creep?  Why does my ex boyfriend’s current love want to know about my daily activities now when he and I ceased all contact 7 months ago?  I’m sure there’s a small part where the “winner” can take perverse pleasure in popping up and rubbing it in your face that she’s enjoying your old memories.  Is there trouble in paradise or does she just want to lord her “success” over me without ever having to exchange words?

expat dating diaries discussion restaurant business coffee shop partners serious coffee listening colleagues talking corporate worried meeting cafe
Rawpixel.com

When you’ve finally met someone new and are enjoying learning all about him, she’s there to drudge up the past.  At least when a man’s 6th sense kicks in, you might get closure.  When woman’s sick sense starts tingling, everyone just ends up shaken.  It’s better on both sides to leave well enough alone. 

people man woman happy couple coffee break relax smile sitting pug dog puppy pet outdoors
Photographer: Matthew Henry

Personal Space

To my exes’ new girlfriends and wives: ladies, if you’re really that curious about me, reach out!  I’d rather be cool with your creeping than completely unnerved.  If that’s not your jam, please have the decency to use a fake account.  You don’t need him to block me.  You don’t need to control with whom he communicates.  The women before me prepared him to love you.  If your relationship is strong, it’s due in part to the fact that I made him ready to love you and that you’re a better fit together than we ever could have been.  The hell he and I went through together doesn’t negate the joy you have now.  It’s not in spite of it, it’s because of it.  We worked through issues together that have made him a more considerate boyfriend or husband for you.  They will hopefully have helped make me a better partner in my next relationship, too.

Expat Dating Diaries people girl woman beauty fashion clothing dress outdoor blue sky
Photographer: Kaci Baum

Gratitude

To my readers: If your man is communicative, caring, and observant, chances are there’s a mother, sister, or ex-girlfriend who helped him along the way.  There’s not a single ex-boyfriend of mine with whom I’d want to get back together, but I have a genuine interest in their well-being.  Don’t try to police your significant other’s communication.  If he’s friendly with his ex and a better man with you than he was with her, you might even want to buy her a bottle of wine.

That Girl Cartier Was Born

That Girl Cartier - Cass Blue Playground

That Girl Cartier Was Born

In the summer of 2009 I started working for an online dating company.  There are plenty of interesting things you learn working for a website such as this.  Coding was not one of them, as you’ll soon understand.  On the internet, you can be anyone.  Take Paige, for example.  Paige was some sort of administrative assistant IRL, but online she was known as the sexy teacher by day, medieval fantasy fiction writer by night “Piage”.  All the customer service reps assumed that, much like Kanye typo-ed “cray”, she had simply misspelled her own name when creating her log-in credentials.  In the spirit of solidarity, we all misspelled our own real names.  Tila became Tilo, Brandi became Branki, Poustie-Rothberg became “P*ssy Rock”, and Carter became Cartier.   We were already a pretty eclectic bunch, but once the obnoxious names were included we became unstoppable (in our own minds, of course).

That Girl Cartier – Today

That Girl Cartier in turn became my alter ego.  Cartier is wild and uninhibited.  Cartier books flights to luxurious, far-away places at the drop of a hat.  She knows and buys quality.  She was a party-crasher until she got invited along for the ride.  Eventually, the ridiculous roller-coaster car flew off the rails, but it still seems to be soaring.  Sometimes I wonder where Cartier ends and I begin…